The Journey of the Watcher
by Rosalinde
Summary: Part One, complete. Thonalon continues his journey with his brother, though Jondalar is unaware. Paralleling the Valley of Horses
1. A New Reality

This story is finished up through the middle of the Mammoth Hunters (and still ongoing). Please read The Journey of the Watcher Part II after this one.  
  
-----------------------------------------  
  
"Oh donii, there's so much blood!" He said running toward his brother, "it's all my fault, I knew you'd follow me, but I never thought that the mother would call you too."   
  
Fear for his own life had left him, as he rushed to the man being mauled by the cave lion. If he had been in a normal state of mind, he would have wondered why the lion had let him get so close to his "kill." The young man put his hands over the gash in his brother's leg, trying to stop the rich flow of blood.  
  
"If Zelondoni were here, she'd know what to do," he moaned. "Why didn't I pay better attention to the healing art? I've got to find help." He said frantically looking around. " It may be too late already. I've got to find but I can't leave him." He looked up to the clear sky above and said in frustration, "what did you do to find help when I was gored by the rhino?"  
  
He heard hurried footsteps, and looked up in relief. A young blonde woman was coming toward them. He saw her motion and grunt something to the lion. He stared in stunned shock as the l cave lion stopped the attack. His mouth stood agape as he watcher her fearlessly push the giant cave lion away.   
  
The woman studied another figure lying on the ground. His neck was bent at an unnatural angle. With a start, he wondered who it was, he thought that he and his brother were the only two there. The man looked somehow familiar, but he stopped his speculation, it his brother was who mattered.  
  
"Thank donii you're here! I don't know what to do, he's hurt and I was afraid to leave him to find help. You have to help him. This man must live." The last came out as command. Not a flicker of answer or acknowledgement crossed her features. She simply started her healing magic. It was as if he wasn't there.  
  
He calmed somewhat knowing instinctively that this healer would be able to save his brother. He thought back to the events leading up to the attack. What a stupid thing to do, going into the lioness' cave after she took the doe that he had killed. He watched the lioness leave the blind canyon before entering, ignoring his brother's pleas.   
  
He hadn't counted on the mate. The giant cave lion was on him before he could even turn to run. He shuddered at the memory. The lion had leapt and sunk its teeth into his neck while tearing his flesh with his claws. The last he heard was a sickening snap, then blackness.  
  
Wait! His hands flew to his neck, feeling for any signs of injury. There was no blood, no scratches, and not even a hint of soreness. He looked down at his   
  
body, and could not detect a single spot of blood staining his tunic. Dizziness engulfed him. How could he have survived the mauling without a scratch, unless-  
  
His head snapped around to look at the other body. No, he couldn't look; he didn't want to know. Though his mind resisted, his found himself staring down at the lifeless body. The tunic was made in the Mamutoi fashion, much like the one that had been given to him when they had been found naked in quicksand. The brown colored hair now covered in blood also looked uncannily familiar. A coldness covered him heart as he sank to the ground. That body was his.  
  
Comprehension slowly seeped through his shocked mind. "It's what I wanted," he thought to himself, "I followed the Mother River to the end, but it meant nothing. The only thing that meant anything to me was taken away, and I begged the Mother to take me too." The implications of his death were great to the young man. He had been too selfish in his own grief to realize that his brother would also suffer.  
  
The cave lion came over to nose the body, but the woman again interceded, and pushed him away. He couldn't stop looking. She was an uncommonly beautiful woman, strong and confident. If he weren't in spirit form himself, he would've wondered if she was Donii incarnate.   
  
"Brother, this is why you followed me. This is where I led you, where you would not have gone yourself." Shivers shook him as he remembered Shamud's prophecy. He wondered if Shamud had seen his fate also.  
  
The yellow haired woman had done as much as she could, and loaded the wounded man on the travois. It was attached in such a way to a horse, that he would be transported as painlessly as possible back to her cave. He observed the ingenious contraption and held a greater respect for her.  
  
Ayla began to drag the lifeless body nearer to a wall, amazing Thonolon with her feat of strength. She loosened a pile of rocks from the slope and as they fell, it covered his body making an effective covering from scavengers.   
  
He watched in fascination as she moved with fluid grace, to send him on his way to the spirit world. He somehow understood what she was communicating. A knowledge of knowing came upon him. What was hidden to his human mind was opened up when his spirit left his body. He reached into her memories. The Clan burial brought out spirits that she was not even aware of.  
  
With all of her grace and beauty communicating to the spirit world, it did him no good. The spirits wove around him and the woman. One in particular hovered conspicuously close; the giant cave lion.   
  
He pierced Thonolan with a steely gaze and stated, "this man is not numbered among us. May Donii lead you quickly on your way."   
  
With this blessing, Thonolon felt a release in his spirit, yet it was not a full release.  
  
He couldn't enter their hearths, and relief swept through him. He didn't want to be in the Clan hearths, he wanted his own people, his own family. As the spirits continued their vigil, he felt no fear. Instinctively he knew he needed Zelondoni to help him. But who would tell Zelondoni of his death? How would she know where to send the spirits?  
  
The Clan spirits were leaving, disappearing into the atmosphere. The cave lion hovered over Jondalar and breathed on him. It turned back to Thonolan and whispered, "she comes." 


	2. Meeting Ursus

Chapter 2 Meeting Ursus  
  
There was a shift behind him, and he sensed a familiar presence. Turning to see who it was his eyes widened as he gasped. "Jetamio."  
  
Thonolan felt the surroundings fall away from him, as he focused on her. He had never seen her smile like that; it was as if her earthly smile was a shadow of what she now displayed. He yearned to hold her, but something held him back.  
  
"Thonolan, we've been waiting for you." Her words were a siren call to his hungry ears. She beckoned for him to follow as she turned away, with a limpless gait.  
  
"Wait!" He seemed to be moving at an agonizingly slow speed, and couldn't keep up. "Where are you going?"  
  
She turned back and paused, "to our hearth."  
  
"Where is this hearth? Please, wait, let me come with you now." Dignity was thrown aside at the fear of losing her again. She turned away again and it was then that he noticed the carrier on her back. "Jetamio," he gasped, "is that your son?"  
  
She smiled and nodded. The boy cooed, but Thonolan did not get more than a glimpse of his child. "We will wait for you at our hearth. Come quickly, I miss you."  
  
"How can I find it, if I don't know where to look?"  
  
She lifted her head and pointed, "there."  
  
His eyes followed, and they searched the sky, looking beyond the earth's atmosphere to the hearth fires she pointed at. "There's so many, which one is it? Jetamio? Jetamio!" He looked in her direction, but she was fading from his view. Frantically, he tried to reach her, desperate to be with the only woman he had ever loved.  
  
"Jetamio!" He yelled as she disappeared. He was alone.  
  
Thonolan sunk down upon the grass in despair. Day turned to night as he lay gazing up at the stars, his mind whirling in confusion. "What's wrong with me? Why can't I join Jetamio and my son?" He wrapped his sorrow around his heart and squeezed until no more seemed to come.  
  
At last, shook of his mantle of grief and felt a quiet calmness returning. "If I were at home with the Zelandonii, they would have called Donii or other familiar spirits to help me. I just need to go home. No, that's not right; don't they have to give my body a burial? That's it! I need to have at least a basic burial for my body, and then a Zelandonii to bring spirits to help me. That's the way it's always been done for my people." Thonolan jumped up excitedly. "Jondalar! I'll just get him to go home and tell them about my death and then..." he slumped back down. "How are they going to find my body?"  
  
The spirit/man wandered about aimlessly, roughly following a riverbed. "I don't know how, but I will get Jondalar to mark my body's location, and go home," he decided.  
  
With his new resolve, he stopped and looked around for the first time at his surroundings. He had been traveling in the dry and windy steppes and was surprised to find himself surrounded in a lush green valley. Dawn was beginning to show its arrival, and the view was breathtaking.  
  
When Thonolan had ceased to be encased in his limited body, a multitude of changes was made to his senses. He wasn't quite in his full "spirit" form; he was still in the in-between stage. The young spirit was just beginning to be aware of the fraction of the changes, when he realized that finding the valley was no accident.  
  
A thin vapor trail was leading him, it was the essence of his brother's spirit where he had passed by earlier. Thonolan noticed another vapor alongside, and realized it must be from the blonde woman. The vapor trails were the spirits' fingerprints, not permanent, but one evidence of their presence.  
  
Suddenly, a large gust of wind came through, carrying his weightless being with it. Another aspect of his new being was just about to make itself dramatically known.  
  
"Help Meeeeeeeeeeeee!" He cried, not knowing if there was anyone to hear him. As the wind carried him across the valley, it shifted and took him upwards. Thonolan was as helpless as a baby being thrown up in the air. He flailed his limbs as he saw the ground rapidly retreating beneath him. He squeezed his eyes shut then opened them when he realized that he wasn't going to be sick. Fear was quickly being replaced by exhilaration. He was just beginning to enjoy himself when he became aware of giggling. 


	3. Mother and Daughter

While getting the next chapter ready to go, I found something else. Low and behold, I forgot a couple paragraphs at the bottom. They have now been added.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Chapter 3 Mother and Daughter  
  
"Hush, Sela. Where are your manners?"  
  
"I can't help it! Did you see him flapping around like a rag doll?" Sela continued to laugh, though she tried to mask her humor.  
  
Malia tried to cover her grin as she remembered seeing the man/spirit carried away by the wind. "He can't help it, he doesn't know how to control his veeja yet. Remember when we had to learn how to move again?"  
  
Sela sobered slightly as she recalled how disoriented she was when her spirit had first separated from her body. Her mother and herself had been encased deep in the earth, and they hadn't known how to get out. "I suppose we should help him," she admitted grudgingly, "but he's so entertaining!"  
  
"Come, daughter," Malia motioned as she effortlessly glided toward the wildly bobbing man. The pair rode the wind upward with practiced ease and circled around Thonolan.  
  
Thonolan was trying to get a look at the women that were circling him, but the wind whipped him around at will. The girl continued to giggle at him, making him feel like an untried youth meeting his Donii woman for the first time. "Who are yooooooo?" he yelled as the wind swept him upward away from the females.  
  
"I'm Malia, and this is my daughter, Sela. Don't fight against it, use the currents to your advantage, like this." Malia shifted herself slightly and circled him.  
  
Thonolan desperately tried to watch what she was doing, and tried to mimic her movements. He felt himself change directions, and sighed in relief. Then the wind pushed him downward, "I'm gonna die!" He cried out. He was in a nosedive headed straight toward the ground.  
  
"Use your shoulders, too!" Sela called out, "and don't worry, you're already dead." She giggled again and followed him.  
  
He tried; he really did try to stop falling. The earth came up so fast and he flailed his arms as he dove headfirst toward a rock wall. He braced his arms in front of him and squeezed his eyes closed. After a few moments, he realized that he was unharmed and opened his eyes. Blackness! No, not just black, there were many shades of colors, even some glittering deposits. He moved his head around, and the view changed slightly.   
  
"I'm embedded in rock! How am I going to get out of this? I don't know which way is up!"  
  
Sela was laughing so hard that she was doubled up on the ground. "My...side...hurts!" She managed to get out. "His...feet!"  
  
Her mother couldn't keep her mirth in this time. "They're sticking...out! Flailing!" The man had used the wind to nosedive right into solid rock. Once he started to enter, the wind stopped its momentum and left him there, legs and feet sticking out, and striking in all directions to find solid ground.  
  
Thonolan was feeling desperate and waved around his arms and legs to try to push his way out. He noticed that his legs and feet felt less resistance than the rest of his body, and decided to try for that direction. He pushed desperately at the wall in front of him, looking more like he was swimming in a rock. His thighs were nearly clear when he felt someone tugging on his legs.  
  
Both women were in tears from their laughter by the time they pulled the man out. He was too relieved to notice and was thankful to see the wonderful, beautiful sun. "I didn't think I was going to get out of that one, I thought I was doomed for sure!"  
  
"That's exactly why you ended up that way. You still think you have a body." Malia sat down with the winded man and motioned her daughter closer. "First of all, you can't be hurt, you can't be doomed, that would have happened already, and you can't die. You have all the time in eternity to do what you want. You may be stuck in rock for years but it doesn't lessen any of the time you exist. It may not be comfortable," she broke off as she stifled a laugh, "but you'd get out eventually."  
  
"We can still feel emotions. All of them seemed to be amplified, but your ability to control them is that much greater," Sela added. "I don't think that I've come to appreciate all of the changes that has happened to me yet, either," she put in as a concession.  
  
Thonolan grinned ruefully, "I guess I did look ridiculous, and I was afraid I was going to die." He paused and studied the women. He felt his lack of manners and held his hands palm up to them. "I am Thonolan of the Shamudoi, born of the Zelondonii."  
  
Malia held her palms up; "I am Malia of the Sungea of the 2nd hearth, healer of the bison camp. This is my daughter Sehala, my acolyte, also known as Sela. We greet you." Sela held her palms up to him, and greeted him also.  
  
With the formal introductions over with Thonolan felt it was time for questions. "Are you spirits sent by Donii?"  
  
Malia laughed, "I wish we were so lucky. We are veejia, just like you." She grinned at his perplexed face. "Veejia, no longer living in human bodies, and not yet fully spirits. The living have called us 'the watchers.'"  
  
"Vee-jee-a, " he tried the sound on his tongue. "Why aren't we fully spirits?  
  
"The mother only knows!" Malia said in a perplexed tone, "those who do not have a proper burial seem not to have enough status to be accepted by the mother. Status in the spirit world is extremely important, or so I've learned."  
  
"Will we ever be able to ascend to the mother?"  
  
She closed her eyes, holding back her grief. "It has happened on many occasions, that a veejia has earned a right to ascend. They can also be doomed," she added quietly."  
  
Thonolan did not want to press her, but hungered for answers. He smiled, exuding his unconscious charm. "So we wait for someone who has a proper burial and go with them, right?"  
  
A faint smile played on her lips; "not all things are so easy. You must watch over the person in life, and earn their status with them. Many who are fortunate to have a veejia are said to be favored by the mother."  
  
Thonolan's eyes lit up. How many times had people told him and Jondalar that the mother favored them? "I think I may have had one, but where was it when I died?"  
  
Sela shook her head at him; "you were foolish. Those who wish for the mother to take them early are not deserving of a watcher's attention. They left you and your brother to watch over others."  
  
He felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. After they left the Mamutoi, he felt loneliness and a vulnerability that he hadn't had before. "What you say is true."  
  
Malia nodded. "We have spent much time here, and have left our other subject vulnerable for too long." She motioned to Sela and they moved to depart.  
  
"One more question." He saw her pause and continued, "who are you watching over?"  
  
"My mate, Luthio and daughter Vaelia. They live apart, so we travel between." She saw his eyes spoke of more unanswered questions but didn't have time for them. "We will meet again. You will learn much by listening for the voice of the mother. Come Sela, we must hurry." Sela joined hands with her mother. As if of one mind, the two rose up and moved away, heading in an easterly direction.  
  
As he watched the women go, he realized how lucky he had been for them to be there at the right time. He recalled the words they had said about the Watchers leaving him and his brother. Was he still a favored one of the mother?  
  
"Thonolan!"  
  
He frantically looked around. Where was that voice coming from?  
  
"Thonolan," the voice was agonized now, "Thonolan...why did you have to keep on going? O Doni, why? Why did you take my brother?"  
  
His shoulders slumped. He knew that voice. It was in his head, reverberating through his soul. "Jondalar, what have I done?" 


	4. The Mother Speaks

Chapter 4 The Mother Speaks  
  
"You are of my line, you were born to it...Creb, Broud almost beat me again!...This female horse's name is Whinney...What can be so bad about touching a piece of leather?...I know he's dead, Baby, but he's not for you...Always loved you...loved you best...Creb, why did you have to go back into the cave?...Spirit of the Cave Lion, the girl, Ayla, is delivered into your protection...Get out of the Cave!...Stinking, ugly hyenas...Look at those fires! They were made with stones, Whinney. Stones!...I beg you Brun, protect Durc...Mother! Motherrr!"  
  
Thonolan took his hand away from her head feeling slightly sick with shock. Ayla's mind had been opened to him as he linked with her, but now he almost wished that he hadn't done it. He looked over at his brother who lay sleeping and smiled grimly. Thonolan had followed Jondalar's voice and was surprised to see that Ayla had begun to nurse him back to health. The cave was small but with plenty of room for the woman and her animals. He had wondered at first if she was One Who Serves, but now he knew the truth.  
  
"Well, you've done it. I didn't think she existed, but you've found her." He recalled Jondalar's words after they had left Haduma and her people. Perhaps it was Haduma's touch, he mused.  
  
Thonolan looked back at the woman sleeping near his brother and then gave a lopsided smile. It was the look that had melted the heart of many women.   
  
"You got what you wanted, but I don't think it's going to be as perfect as you think," Thonolan said beginning to laugh as he thought of his brother adjusting to this unique woman, "it's clear that you two were destined to find each other."  
  
He sobered as he thought of her past. He knew his brother had a deep-seated revulsion of flatheads. What tests did the mother have in store for them? He stood up and stood by Whinney.   
  
He stepped out into the night, lit by tiny fires lacing the sky. As he looked at the huge vastness of the universe, he felt very small and lost.   
  
"Doni! Can you hear me?" His voice echoed as the wind through the valley, "I'm Thonolan of the Shamudoi, mate of Jetamio. I am worthy to be taken into your arms. Please, show me the way." His voice broke, and he crumpled to the ground. "Speak to me."   
  
The scuttling of the night creatures and the rushing of the river punctuated the silence of the night. The lone figure lay dejected, abandoned by man, spirits and the mother herself.  
  
The wind shifted and blew toward the prostrate figure. "Thonolan, my son." The breeze caressed him lovingly. "Get up, I am here."  
  
He slowly lifted himself, hardly believing his ears. "Great Mother, speak to me."  
  
"You have a journey ahead of you, prepare yourself." The voice whisked around him, coming from all directions and none at all.  
  
"You want me to watch over by brother on his journey?"   
  
The wind picked up, "No!" He faltered at the words. "Your paths divide as they connect, your destinies lay separate in its sameness."  
  
"I don't understand! You speak with shadows on your tongue."  
  
"Can a mother make her baby understand her thoughts? Can the great ice comprehend the sun? Your journey has only started. You will weave together the threads put before you."  
  
I just wanted to journey to the end of the river, to see the next bend, the next day, the next woman. I never asked for more than that. Then Jetamio came, and my soul found purpose. He shook himself out of his reverie. By Doni, I'm getting to sound like my brother. He smiled ironically at the thought. Excitement grew as a spark ignited an unnamed desire. My journey has just begun, but this time I travel with the wind.  
  
"I'm ready." 


	5. Durc

Chapter 5 Durc   
  
"Grev!" The young man turned despondently toward the leader. "You have failed in your hunt, today you will not become a man," Broud motioned.   
  
Grev's shoulders slumped in shame. This was to be his manhood hunt, when he made the first kill. The Clan had few stores of meat for the winter, and every hunt counted. Broud had recently decided to add to the number of their hunters and count Grev among them.  
  
The men had tracked the herd of antelope for most of the morning, to where the animals had stopped to drink at a river. Two doe had wandered towards them, reaching for the rich grass nearby. At Broud's signal, the hunters yelled and cut them off from the herd that was now fleeing away.  
  
In their instinctive fear of the man smell, the does raced back and forth chased by the strange creatures. As the men closed in, Grev was given the signal to thrust the fatal spear. Caught up in the excitement and smelling the doe's fear, Grev was overconfident. He ran close and thrust his spear toward the heart of one the beasts. The spear and glanced off a bone and the shock of the impact made Grev loose his grip. Startled by the pain, she charged through the hunters, heedless of her previous fears, the other doe close behind.  
  
Broud was ready with his spear, and ran forward to thrust it as the animal drew abreast of him. The doe dodged away, and his spear glanced off a rib. The doe wild with pain thundered as fast as she could away from the men. The other hunters gave chase in a vain attempt to complete the kill. She was too swift, and was far away from their field of range.   
  
As the doe ran past the last of the strange creatures, a thunk sounded. A spear protruded from her abdomen in a fatal blow as she sunk to the ground as the second doe shied away and ran off. Winded, the men stopped, hardly able to believe the antelope was down.  
  
"Who threw that spear?" Broud motioned. When no one came forward he became impatient. Clan men did not throw spears; it was almost impossible for their physiological bodies. The spear looked unfamiliar in its creation and made him uneasy. It was slightly smaller than normal, and decorated with crude carvings of animals. "Vorn, who threw that spear?"  
  
Vorn was uneasy. He knew that Broud would be upset when he was told, but it was his duty. "Durc threw the spear."  
  
Anger lit Broud's eyes, "Durc! Is this true?"  
  
The young boy/man came forward, towering over the leader and nodded. Excitement had hummed through him as he saw the doe racing toward his post. He and Brac had been allowed to come on this hunt to help run the doe into exhaustion. The boys stayed at their post, not wanting to unwittingly cause the hunt to be unsuccessful. When Durc saw the doe veering toward him, he instinctively, took aim and cast his spear. No one was more surprised than he was when the doe collapsed in the dirt.  
  
"Today, Durc is a man, and a hunter of the Clan," Vorn announced, "it is our tradition." He added with a knowing look toward Broud. The hunters gathered around to congratulated Durc into manhood. "He should have first bite of the liver."  
  
Broud used all the self-control he possessed as he watched the hunters partake of the fresh, warm liver. This was to be Grev's celebration. Grev had showed much promise in hunting, and Broud was looking forward to counting him as one of the hunters. This celebration for the Deformed One was a total surprise. Broud held himself back from tasting the liver. He wasn't sure of his own emotions toward the Deformed One. If there were any way to stop Durc's manhood celebration, he would do it. He would ask Goov to search his memories.  
  
"I can't believe I've been led all this way to keep watch over these flatheads. They can't help me in the afterlife, so what good am I going to do? Doni, are you sure this is where you want me?"  
  
"My children are dying."  
  
Thonolan sat down on the ground near the hunters. Her children. He hadn't quite thought of them that way before. He gazed in wonderment at the odd looking men. The mother who created me has also created them. Was it possible that his people had a kinship bond with the flatheads?  
  
"Clan."  
  
"Alright, Clan. But it doesn't mean that I'm going to enjoy this too much." Thonolan got up to follow the Clan hunters back to the cave. "I'd rather be watching over a group of Mamutoi women," he muttered.  
  
When the hunters had returned to the cave, Thonolan had seen the single-minded purpose of Broud when he sought out Goov. Curious, he followed the men into a back corner of the cave set aside for the mog-ur. Goov knew a spirit was with them, but he never guessed it was a spirit of the Others.  
  
"Goov, what did you find out?"  
  
Goov paused before the leader, the man whom he had looked up to. He was ashamed at what he was asked to do. Broud has lost status in his eyes. "A boy who makes his first kill always becomes a man. All clan traditions point to this, for every hunter is necessary for clan survival."  
  
Broud became impatient; "everyone knows this. Have you found any exceptions in your memories?"  
  
Vorn nodded. He was reluctant to continue.  
  
"Vorn! Tell me," Broud motioned excitedly.  
  
"Long ago, before when the great ice was young, there was a break in the tradition. A boy had been out with the hunters, and killed a bison by accident. The leader knew the boy did not intend to hunt the animal, and could not count it as his first kill. He did not become a man for two more summers." Goov held back most of the story, knowing that it would anger the leader. He himself was puzzled about the vision of the young boy with blue eyes. "Durc thrust his spear with the intention of killing the antelope. He did not kill by accident."  
  
Broud nodded. He conceded the fact that the Deformed One would become a man sooner than any other boy would his age, including Brac. Brac should have had his hunt first.  
  
Vorn was relieved at the impassive response from Broud. Ever since the mother of Durc had died, Broud had turned his hatred to the son. Though he did not show his emotions openly, the clan was well aware of the conflict. Vorn was uncomfortable that his leader let himself be affected by such a young boy. He retreated to his hearth and pondered the vision he had seen in his memories. The boy with the blue eyes had been named Durc. 


	6. The Transformation

Chapter 6 The Transformation  
  
"Ahh!" The hunter screamed as he chased the antelope figure. She shied away and ran toward another hunter. The children sat entranced almost believing they were witnessing the hunt. Finally, the doe swerved toward Durc, and he thrust his spear at the figure. A gasp arose as the people realized how lucky he had been to make the kill.  
  
Thonolan was also entranced. He had seen snatches of similar scenes playing in Ayla's mind, but he never thought he'd be here to witness one. "Great Mother, I never knew they were so intelligent."  
  
A gust of wind whipped over him. "Perhaps they are more so than you."  
  
Thonolan sat straight up, bristling at the comment. Then slowly he relaxed and a ghost of a smile formed on his face. "I guess I deserved that," he said ruefully, who here did you want me to watch?"  
  
"To weave the pattern, you must first attach the threads."  
  
Though puzzled, he knew better than to ask for understanding. "You haven't told me yet what I'm doing here."  
  
"Attach the threads."  
  
He sighed heavily. How was he to accomplish this mission, when he didn't understand what he was supposed to do? Attaching threads, weaving, what next?   
  
Weaving was not uncommon among his people. His mother had a loom that she used to weave fabric for clothing. Others wove thin strips of rawhide or plant fibers together to make a stronger strap or rope. Some women wove their hair to keep it from getting in the way or for decoration. But he still did not understand how to weave people together.  
  
He gave a sharp sardonic laugh as he imagined the clan men lying over and under each other in a ridiculous pattern. Attach the threads. I wonder if I tie then together, would that work as a starting point? And those women, they would sit docilely by and wait for someone to acknowledge them before they took action and -  
  
"Oof!" He landed abruptly several yards away from his post, carried by a violent gust of wind.  
  
"Come!" A harsh voice demanded.  
  
Now I've done it, I've angered the mother, he thought guiltily. He followed the airy path broken forth before him and found himself following a meandering trail circling toward the great sea. In the distance, saw a dark depression in a rock wall, and on closer inspection found it to be a roomy cave.  
  
Thonolan noted that the mouth was slightly triangular in shape as he floated inside. He thought it was strange to see that it was still dark outside because he could see every cranny clearly as if lit by daylight. The path led him on to the west wall, and he found himself in a small circular room. An eerie otherworldly presence had made its refuge here.  
  
"Look! It's broken!"  
  
Thonolan turned to see a large cave bear skull . It was lying on its side with a long bone on the stand beside it. His consternation increased, "there's not even a crack in these bones, how can it be broken?"  
  
He felt the wind swirl and fill the small room. Thonolan felt it move harshly around his veeja, as if angered.   
  
"You do not understand the significance, but the clan would know," the voice jeered. "Does that make them smarter than you?"  
  
"N-no. I don't think so, there are many things I know that they wouldn't understand."  
  
"There are many things you are unaware of. Let me show you a taste."  
  
The young veejia felt himself falling in slow motion. He heard a sound that seemed to reverberate within him and wondered, where were those drums coming from? They were pounding out a tuneless beat, sounding from a distant tunnel.   
  
Earlier he thought he had seen into every corner of the Clan's cave. Now his surroundings seemed to spring into focus, every little detail a fascination. A row of torches had been lit and led deeper into the cave. Mesmerized by the illumination, he turned sluggishly and followed the path of light. Around the last corner, he found himself in an inner room, surrounded by clan men. It was a circle of spiritual men, the mogurs of the Clan. Each one was seated behind a cave bear skull.  
  
He sat down in the inner circle, drawn like a fly to a spider's web. Thonolan watched in detached fascination as one mogur come toward him. He couldn't move at all, it was as if he was watching the events unfold from a small corner inside his head.  
  
Thonolan cried out as the mogur grasped his head and heard a sickening crack. He felt his skull being opened, revealing his jelly brain. Wide-eyed in fear, Thonolan discovered pain deep that seared to his very soul.   
  
Paralysis overtook him as he saw each mogur approach him. One by one, they dipped their hands into his head. In morbid fascination he watched as they brought the gooey substance to their mouth to partake of his spirit.   
  
An unheard scream formed in his throat when he saw the next limping toward him. The squat deformed figure approached the man of the others. His one arm hung limp and useless, and there was a scarred area where an eye should be. But his one good eye pierced the man of the others. Thonolan shook in fear in the presence of the palpable power emanating from this man.  
  
The mogur reached down and touched Thonolan's head. Like the others, he dipped his hand within and partook of the communion. Then, he grasped the sides of the split skull and with one quick motion, sealed the gaping hole.  
  
A new pain engulfed Thonolan as he felt his skull mending. He writhed in torment as bone knit to bone, sinew to sinew, and flesh to flesh. He felt his forehead flatten and push back. A painful stretching sensing began at the back of his head as it began to expand. Another gasp escaped his lips as his eyebrows pulled away from his sockets. As he grit his teeth, he found his chin pushed into his jaw. Other changes were making themselves known as his legs bowed, and a heavy weightiness engulfed him. When the agony of change began to recede, he slowly stood up, and stared.   
  
He was the same height as the mogurs! The same height as the clan! Thonolan brought his hands up to his face, hands that were not familiar. As he felt his new grown body, dizziness swept through. The transformation from Zelondonii to Clan was complete. 


	7. The Joining

Chapter 7  
  
The Joining  
  
The mog-urs passed an ancient looking bowl around the circle. They raised it to their lips and drank the pungent liquid inside. After the bowl had completed the circuit, Creb brought it to Thonolan.  
  
"Drink," he ordered.  
  
The new clan man held the bowl in reverence. His eyes traced along the two deep cracks that ran the length of it. Bringing the bowl to his mouth, he drank deeply feeling the strange liquid flow down his throat. The drums began a new beat.  
  
The mog-urs swayed and gyrated to the rhythm, no longer conscious of their physical state. Thonolan felt as if his old self had been shoved into a corner of his new body. He watched from this new vantage point while this clan person took control of him and joined the others in their strange moving dance.   
  
Thonolan didn't notice the exact moment when he collapsed on the earthen floor. He felt as if he were still moving and dancing, along with the other men. But the mog-urs' bodies now lay still on the earthen floor next to him.  
  
The ground melted from underneath him and he felt as if he was falling into a black void. Slowly, he became aware of the presence of the other mog-urs around him. At the same tim, he felt a strange prickling sensation at the back of his head. A presence intruded, non-threatening but curious. The other mog-urs soon joined together in the connection, combining their mighty brains into one consciousness.   
  
Visions flashed through their collective minds. Shelter...caves...growing ice...only men hunt...chosen by Ursus...the others...this man's totem is....swiftest runner in the clan...win status....cave bear! Thonolan's prostrate body lying on the earthen floor jerked as he heard the man's spine snap.  
  
The throbbing of the drums altered to mimic the pounding of heartbeats. The mighty mog-ur led them back to the beginning. A gasp escaped Thonolan as he remembered the creation of man and then of the mother. No, that wasn't the right name. The creator had made and molded them from the earth. 


	8. Spirit Journey

~~~~~~~~~  
  
Chapter 8  
  
Spirit Journey  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Thonolan felt as if his veeja was being grafted into a community of people that formed one mind. The mind branched out and became one unit, one body that set feet on solid ground. The strong heavy body walked across and surveyed the earth given to his care. Another taller more upright being walked beside and gradually curved its path away. Thonolan walked one path, and yet both at the same time. Something inside him cried out as the distance between the two increased.   
  
The joining of the mog-ur minds slowly began to separate from him, except for one; Creb. They traveled north and circled the familiar valley. Creb focused on the woman as she swam with sure strokes in the river. He spotted Jondalar near the mouth of the cave. Thonolan was pleased to see that his brother would regain his full health.   
  
Swiftly, they changed directions and headed south toward the great sea. The panorama beneath him blurred then re-focused as they slowed near an odd looking cave. Instead of circling, they entered the mouth and headed toward the large hearth.   
  
This cave was made by men, made with bones and hides! He realized with a start.   
  
"Mamut!"   
  
Creb's voice echoed through his consciousness. Thonolan looked down and saw an old man with a chevron tattoo on his cheek sitting by a fire. He saw the man's head snapped up and look straight at them.   
  
"Creb," the man whispered in awe.  
  
As quickly as they entered they left, a sound of drumming thrummed in his ears. The terrain beneath passed more quickly. Thonolan was not aware that he was now the guide and Creb the follower.  
  
Westward...faster...they swept along the Great Mother River until it was but a thread below. Briefly he viewed his birthplace yet they kept moving. Farther up and further on and Creb kept pace, unlimited by his mortal brain. People grew as grass on the plains, building living boxes. Giant birds thundered across the sky as the whole panorama of the human world sped its pace. The noise, the lights and the speed were too much for his mind to conceive.  
  
"Nooooo!"   
  
Frantically, he rushed back, farther and lower until he saw himself lying awkwardly on the floor of the cave. He was shoved from behind into his veeja, at once feeling heavy and confined. His eyes opened and in his terror, he jumped up on long straight legs. If any mog-urs were near, he far outdistanced them. He raced across the steppes as if he could escape the strange visions he had witnessed.  
  
"Weave them together," the voice echoed from behind. 


	9. The Malcontent

Chapter 9  
  
The Malcontent  
  
"There was a young man from the east He turned from a veeja to beast Scared out of his wits so now he just sits this pitiful man from the east."  
  
Thonolan lifted his head up abruptly at the sound of another voice. Taunting eyes met his and he looked at the newcomer in confusion.   
  
"Who are you?" Thonolan asked with a furrowed brow.  
  
"Worthless," the other spirit while circling the still form ignoring the question. "So the mother gives you a little taste of the clan world, and what do you do? Run scared as a ptarmigan. Do you really think it matters what you saw? They're still dirty, filthy animals. Personally, I think they should never have been created at all."  
  
"But, they are human and they have intelligence. It's different than ours, but you can't deny it's there," Thonolan protested.  
  
"A deer runs from the hunting wolf, the rhinos migrate north before snow. Instinct or intelligence?" The other spirit continued, "bah, the clan moves by instinct with no new original ideas. Long ago they had some intelligence, but it was lost when their big stupid brains got too full of remembering things they never thought of."  
  
Incensed at the callous attitude, Thonolan jumped up to defend the people of the clan. "The mother had made them, and loves them. They are not without a purpose. If they are animals, then how can a child of mixed spirits be born? There has never been one born who was half human and half animal."  
  
The other erupted in a fit of mocking laughter, "listen to you, where has all your proper Zelondonii upbringing gone? If your mother could hear you, she'd be ashamed. I do agree though on one thing. The clan has a purpose. Their purpose is to die out so our kind can exist in peace."  
  
Infuriated at this rude apparition, Thonolan lunged at him. "Oomph!" He gasped as his arms encountered empty air.  
  
"Disgusting," the other mocked unfazed by the attack, "I bet you would have liked to stay as a clan member. Maybe even mate one of their docile spiritless women. You'd probably like that, having a woman bend over for you every time you gesture." The spirit glowered with malicious eyes, causing Thonolan to shudder.  
  
"Who are you? Why do you speak to me in such a vulgar way?" Though angered, he was not fool enough to try another physical attack. He wasn't adept at moving his veeja like that yet.  
  
"Another veejia, like you," the other said slowly, "but unlike you, I've found a better use for my time, than to serve the mother. No more groveling or obedience. The Mother is weak."  
  
Blasphemy! Thonolan shuddered at the fear of even hearing the words. "Get away from me, in the name of all that's good, leave me be!" He stumbled back attempting to separate from this bent veeja as much as he could.  
  
A wicked cackle emitted from the other's mouth, "foolish young veejia, our paths will cross again, I guarantee it."   
  
The other raised his arms and began chanting in a foreign tongue, his eyes gleaming maliciously. Abruptly he dropped an arm down as a bolt of fire erupted from his outstretched fingers. A column of smoke whisked from the ground and quickly licked up the dry terrain. Within moments, the whole area was on fire. The veejia gave one last satisfied look and disappeared.  
  
Horror ignited Thonolan into action. The blaze was moving fast, and it was moving northward. North, toward the valley, and to the cave.   
  
"Jondalar!"  
  



	10. A Distant Fire

Chapter 10  
  
A Distant Fire  
  
"Wake up! Jondalar, for the love on Donii, wake up!"   
  
The man shifted in his sleep and turned over but did not wake up. Thonolan turned frantically to the slumbering woman.  
  
"Ayla, you must wake up, please!" Thonolan then tried to get both their attentions at once.   
  
"What am I doing, they can't even hear me!" He looked over and spotted the sputtering fire. A gust came through the cave and blew out the last embers. "Mother, do something, please!"  
  
A hollow breeze blew eastward outside gaining in intensity as it passed. "It's not their time yet."   
  
Running to the mouth of the cave, he watched the evidence of the wind passing through. It had grown and whisked quickly toward the fire to blow it away from the valley.   
  
"Fire will not harm my place of refuge. You only had to ask," the voice chided  
  
Peace settled upon him, Donii will protect them, he thought to himself. Tired and weary from all the incidents he'd recently endured, he eased himself down against the outer wall of the cave. Though sleep was not necessary, he sought the comfort it could give him.  
  
Ayla woke up with a start. The cave was dark, but she could not make herself go back to sleep. She walked out and unknowingly passed through Thonolan. Standing nearby, she watched the night give way to the day. Curiously, her eyes were drawn to the eastern horizon and she shivered as the blood colored sun made its appearance.  
  
"Must be a prairie fire to the east." Jondalar's voice startled Thonolan out of his sleep.  
  
"Jondalar, Ayla, thank the Donii your up! You wouldn't believe what almost happened to your beautiful valley." He knew they couldn't hear him but he had to voice his thoughts, "and that man just reached out and started it and he said such malicious things about the clan, your clan Ayla. And Creb, he showed me what the clan was like, I was scared out of my wits, but I wouldn't trade that experience for anything. I can't believe I ever made fun of them. Did you really drink the forbidden liquid?"  
  
"Of course she did, her memories told you."   
  
Thonolan pivoted around at the sound of the voice.  
  
"Malia, and Sela! I'm so glad you've come, it's like greeting old friends!" He held his hands out in greeting, a lopsided grin lighting his face.  
  
"I'd hope we left on friendly terms." Malia held her palms up," I greet you Thonolan, servant of the great parent of all."   
  
Sela came forward with a twinkle in her eye and also greeted him.  
  
"What brought you here?" Thonolan asked looking at them curiously.  
  
"Luthio is in good health, and is doing well," Malia answered, "we've come to see Vaelia. I've felt danger crossing her path."  
  
Thonolan nodded, "yes, the fire. This evil veejia came and started the fire from his hands."  
  
Grief passed over Malia's face. "Yes, we know about the fire, but danger still lays ahead."  
  
"Mother, look how well Jondalar is doing! I think he has regained full use of his legs," Sela interjected.  
  
All three turned and they watched the pair walking along the stream. Thonolan thought that she was right and that his brother looked healthier by the day.  
  
"They seem to be adjusting well to each other," Sela added with a mischievous grin.  
  
Comprehension dawned slowly on Thonolan, "wait, Ayla, or Vaelia, she's your daughter, and your sister?" he asked first indicated Malia and then Sela.  
  
"And they said you thought with something other than your head," Malia responded dryly. "Her given name was Vahaelia, but the clan had trouble pronouncing it."  
  
Of course, they looked so much alike, Thonolan thought to himself. Malia had the same long blonde hair with large intelligent gray eyes. She was a fascinatingly beautiful woman, slightly younger than his mother was. Sela also was uncommonly pretty, yet she was just budding on womanhood. Her blue eyes seemed to sparkle humor whenever he looked at her. He wondered briefly if she had experienced first rites.  
  
"Thonolan, you're looking at me like I'm some ripe juicy berries," Sela said unabashedly.  
  
Flushing, he turned his head aside. "Sorry, it's been a long time since..." his eyes clouded as he thought of Jetamio. A gentle hand rested on his shoulder.  
  
"You are chosen on the mother's mission," Malia said softly, there will be many times when the sorrow seems too much, but your rewards will be greater. Your mate would not want you to go home until your mission was finished."   
  
The clan, the spirit journey, the other veejia, and everything to do with adjusting to this new plain of being were taking their toll on him. At the mere gesture of her sympathy, he felt tears well up. "I've had so much sorrow, it's hard to imagine any reward as great."  
  
"The mother's imagination is great enough for us all. Come, it's not seemly for such a chosen one to weep so."  
  
Thonolan shook himself out of his reverie and squared his shoulders. "You're right of course. Malia, you are very wise, Luthio was a lucky man"  
  
"He was, wasn't he? The mate he has now," she tapped her head with her forefinger, "I wonder if she's all there." A smile quirked her mouth, "but then, I don't think anyone is quite good enough for him"  
  
"Oh mother, "Sela sighed, "you do too like her. She takes good care of him, you've said so."  
  
Malia made a deep sound in her throat and turned to her daughter, "did you want to come with on Ayla's hunt, or stay with Thonolan?"   
  
"I'd be remiss if I didn't come, even though Thonolan might be a fun diversion." She winked slyly at him, making him wonder if she hadn't broken many hearts already. "He can stay with Jondalar and the little one, while we women hunt," she giggled. Thonolan and Malia joined in her mirth.   
  
They watched as Ayla readied Whinney for their trek attaching the pole drag to the mare's straps. Jondalar was watching her too.  
  
"So that's how I got here! I've been wondering for a long time," Jondalar exclaimed, "I didn't' think you carried me here alone. I thought perhaps some other people found me and left me here with you.  
  
"No...other people...I find...you...other man" Thonolan watched apprehensively as his brother's expression change.  
  
"Did you have to leave him there? Couldn't' you have brought him, too?"  
  
"Don't be such a fool brother!" Thonolan started to march over when Malia put her hand on his arm and shook her head.  
  
"Man dead, Jondalar. You hurt. Much hurt." They watched as she stumbled with her words.  
  
"If only she could speak better, perhaps..." Sela trailed off.  
  
Malia nodded in agreement. "I think if she remembered our language structure, it would help. Misunderstandings between them now can cause a rift that may not be easy to overcome."  
  
"I'm sorry, Ayla. I shouldn't have shouted at you like that, but Thonolan was my brother..." The word was almost a cry.  
  
(VOH pp. 405-406)  
  
Welcome Rubber Duck to the story! 


	11. Silent Battles

Chapter 11  
  
Silent Battles  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Ayla rode Whinney heading east where she'd seen the blood-red sun that morning. She half-noted the changes in the vegetation as she passed by. She hadn't traveled this far east before and she was slightly curious. After hours of riding, they finally came in sight of an immense scorched path that the fire had created.  
  
The presence of scavenging creatures had become more noticeable as she and Whinney had traveled. Ayla gasped as she saw the reason for it for at the crest of the next hill she viewed the panorama of devastation.   
  
Multitudes of animals covered the scorched dead earth. Weaving, running and growling over their prey, they added to the air of feral ness. The stench was overpowering and Ayla quickly sought out a piece of hide to cover her nostrils. Whinney shied from the scene with no heart to go further into the destruction. The woman also hesitated but then urged Whinney forward.  
  
"How the mother must grieve at this destruction," Sela said in a hoarse whisper, "Ayla is lucky to have both of us watching, look at all those scavengers." Sela was overwhelmed with the total destruction of land. Malia mentally agreed sending a silent prayer to Donii.  
  
As Ayla surveyed the area, she mentally began to plan. I'll need to find a whole animal, without a damaged hide. It can't be too scorched or I'll never be able to store it, but I don't want rot either, she thought to herself.  
  
Wolves, lions, birds, hyenas, every scavenger was out in force to clean up the waste the fire had left behind. A few came close to her and Whinney, eyeing them. But the flying stones convinced them to find easier meals.   
  
"There, Whinney, that one looks good." Ayla began to head toward a doe that had recently found by the scavengers. Her sling was out and cleared the path for her, "ugly stinking hyenas," she muttered. Sliding off of Whinney's back she went to work.  
  
Malia was beginning to get nervous, eyeing the predators carousing through the area. They were all hungry for an easy meal. "Hurry, my daughter," she pleaded.  
  
After loading the first carcass, Ayla put her arm around Whinney's neck to calm her. "This has been a hard day for you, but we're almost done." She went in search of one more.  
  
Her clothes and body were covered with soot and made her feel itchy. She had taken off her footwear when she saw how black they became from walking across the ground. In frustration, she searched, but had to travel farther to find a second animal. As the day grew later, she debated whether to take a less desirable creature or just go home.   
  
"Look Whinney, we've found it!" Sensing her excitement, the horse perked and hurried her pace.  
  
Ayla had no trouble scaring away the scavengers, especially when there were so many easier feasts. Only one pair of eyes followed them, salivating at the thought of fresh meat.  
  
"Mother, look! What kind of creature is that?" Sela said nervously. She pointed to a large cat-like animal with elongated teeth.  
  
"Ayla!" Malia screamed, "look out!"  
  
The tiger yowled as it circled Whinney. It was the last straw for the horse. Whinney reared, and Ayla watched helplessly as one of the deer tumbled off the travois.  
  
Quickly, Ayla whistled and ran toward her friend. Her sling was out and swinging, hitting as hard as she could. The creature was large, and she had no hope of killing it with such a small weapon. Why didn't I bring my spear, she berated herself, if something happens to Whinney, I'll never forgive myself.  
  
Hearing the familiar sound of the whistle, Whinney sidestepped over to the woman who had always kept her from harm. The tiger was slightly bemused by the flinging stones and thought twice about his prey. Another stone landed hard on his nose. He snorted and shook his head.  
  
Malia ran toward the tiger, glared into its eyes and screeched, "Eeeyahhh! Be gone cat, this horse is not for you!"   
  
Sela joined in yelling, and both women waved and yelled at the creature. It was too much for the dirk-toothed tiger. With another yowl, he charged straight for Ayla who swiftly jumped out of the way. She rolled over and looked around quickly. With a sigh of relief she saw that the tiger was trotting away in search of easier prey.  
  
"This woman is grateful for being protected from the strange creatures," she prayed to her totem. "Come Whinney, let's go home."  
  
~~~~~  
  
Thonolan became restless as the night grew later. If something happened to Ayla, if she were killed, would Malia and Sela go with her? That would leave Jondalar alone, with a colt for company. Thonolan shook his head. Don't be silly, he said to himself, you're more concerned about you being alone than Jondalar. He watched as his brother moved around restlessly, a worried frown on his face.  
  
Aren't we a pair? Thonolan thought humorlessly. Alone, far away from any people and our well being hinging on the return of the women.   
  
Thonolan hurried to the mouth of the cave when he heard the wind pick up. A broad smile spread across his face as he saw the women returning.  
  
"Malia! Sela! Am I ever glad to see you two!" he raced out to meet them, taking in their weary appearances. Moments later, Jondalar heard Whinney on the path and rushed to meet Ayla.   
  
"What took so long, you both look awful!" Thonolan demanded.  
  
Malia gave him a withering look, then sat down near the mouth of the cave. "I didn't think that we would be able to turn back that dirk-toothed tiger," she finally got out.  
  
"Dirk toothed..." Thonolan said shocked. He'd heard of the fearsome creatures, and had been glad he'd never met one. "What happened?"  
  
As Malia and Sela told him the story, his consternation grew. He hadn't imagined the hunt would be that dangerous. When they finished re-telling, they fell silent, each deep in their own thoughts.  
  
"Much meat. Tiger...not need Whinney. Sling make go." Sela watched as her sister tried to form words to express the incident, to bring home to Jondalar just what she had been through.  
  
"If only she could remember," Sela said with a pointed look at her mother.  
  
(VOH 409-410). 


	12. She Who Remembers

Chapter 12  
  
She Who Remembers  
  
Mother and daughter veeja were in deep conversation, stealing surreptitious glances at where Ayla was sleeping. Not wanting to eavesdrop, Thonolan nonetheless overheard snatches of their conversation.  
  
"She must learn soon, no one can understand her. It's even hard for me, sometimes," Sela whispered, "I know she needs to, but if we force it to happen..."  
  
"But if we don't do something, what good are we as watchers?"  
  
Thonolan watched the two women and then turned toward his brother. Jondalar was busy cutting the deer meat into strips to dry. Though immersed in his task, he seemed somewhat aware of the invisible forces around him. Many times he came in and looked in on Ayla with concern. Thonolan was sure that he even glanced at the two women during the course of the night.  
  
Finally, Malia stood up with a resolute expression. "The time is now." She gave a nod to Sela, who went over to sit by Thonolan.  
  
"What's going on?" Thonolan asked.  
  
"Shhh," Sela said with a finger to her lips.   
  
Curious, he watched as Malia leaned over Ayla's restless body. Kneeling beside her, she placed her hands on the sides of Ayla's face. Leaning close, Sela pressed her forehead to her daughter's sleeping brow.  
  
"My daughter..." Malia murmured.   
  
She furrowed her brow trying to follow the riotous path Ayla's dreams were taking. A howling wind whistled outside, chasing cold air into the cave. Entranced, Thonolan watched the pair his jaw slacking in shock as he too began to see Ayla's dream.  
  
The observation was not anything of his ability, but the power emanating from mother and daughter. Malia was pouring herself out in a way that was rarely possible, and rarely observed. The bond of maternal love was somehow reconnected albeit in an unconventional way.  
  
"I said I'd be careful, Mother, but where did you go? Why didn't you come when I called you. I called and called, but you never came. Where have you been? Mother? Mother! Don't go away again! Stay here! Mother, wait for me! Don't leave me!" The words tore deeply into Malia and grief increased as she forced her daughter to turn to thoughts of the other woman. "Iza! Iza, help me! Please help me!"  
  
"No one can understand you if you don't talk properly," Malia whispered.   
  
Thonolan sensed another memory surfacing, and was surprised to see the mog-ur that had led him on his Clan journey.   
  
"You must learn to talk, Ayla."  
  
"How can I talk? I can't remember! Help me, Creb!"   
  
The mother pressed her forehead closer, willing herself to continue. Ayla had to remember; perhaps she had to remember everything.  
  
"Your totem is the Cave Lion, Ayla."   
  
At the thought of a predator, instantly the dirk-toothed tiger came to the front. No, the cave lion, Malia thought and pushed the tiger aside. The creature turned into the cave lion she had encountered so long ago.  
  
"No! No! I can't! I can't!"   
  
Sela came over in concern, sensing the deep struggle and her mother's growing weariness. Laying her hands on Ayla she also willed her sister to remember.  
  
Malia brought her daughter's early memories to the surface in one last attempt. If she didn't succeed, Ayla might not remember at all.   
  
"I'll help you..." she choked out.  
  
Ayla seemed to calm, and opened her dream filled eyes. She looked straight into her mother's face. All at once the knotted cord that held her long ago memories hidden from her, broke open.   
  
"She remembers!" They shouted at once.   
  
Giddy with relief, the women hugged each other. Sela put a steadying hand to her mother's weary form.   
  
"She remembers some," Malia said with a tentative smile, "at least it's a start."   
  
Thonolan watched as a flood of emotions filled Malia's features; joy, relief and grief.   
  
"My daughters, look what my selfishness has done to us," Malia cried out in aguish.   
  
"Mother! Motherrr!" Ayla's cry echoed around the cave.  
  
Thonolan watched helplessly as Malia fled outside. He looked questioning at Sela. She shrugged and shook her head.   
  
"She gets like this sometimes, it's something to do with our last journey. I never fully understood why we left so quickly and why her mate was upset."  
  
"Did she ever tell you why?" Thonolan asked.  
  
Sighing deeply, she shook her head and made to follow her mother. "I've tried many times, but she won't tell me. She thinks that because of what she's done, she's doomed her spirit, and possibly mine." Her mouth quirked in a semblance of a smile, "but I know that's not true. I think any wrong she's done before she has well made up for already."  
  
"You're talking, Ayla. You're talking!" Jondalar exclaimed.  
  
Turning his attention away from the retreating women, Thonolan grinned; enjoying the excitement his brother was experiencing. Whatever the problems of yesterday and today, he'd greet each as they came. He felt a faint calling from outside and left his brother's side.  
  
The night was deep in color, punctuated with the tiny scattered stars from above. He spied the spirit trails of the two women, but decided that wasn't what brought him out.   
  
A low moaning sound echoed nearby as a gust passed through, "secure the threads."  
  
He turned his head and furrowed his eyebrows looking for the source. Suddenly, he found himself moving, up and over the valley, traveling southward with the wind.  
  
(VOH pp. 411-412)  
  
Rubber Duck, no worry on running out of story, almost all of my stories are written before I start posting them. So I've got plenty up my sleeve.  
  
Thanks KatinkaV, I do try to fill in a few of the spaces Auel has left us. 


	13. Burnt Offerings

Chapter 13  
  
Burnt Offerings  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Brun observed the return of the hunting party with a sinking feeling. There was not nearly enough food stored up for winter, and not enough time to make up for it anymore. When he had been leader, the clan had never gone hungry over the lean months. The variety of their diet may have been limited, but there were always stores of food. He was getting old, and possibly would not last to see summer, especially if food was scarce.  
  
The scant fresh meat was welcomed gladly. All were aware of the scarce stores they had for the winter. Their homecoming was subdued by the tenseness of the men.   
  
None of the men would tell the women what had happened, or how their leader had been humiliated. Nonetheless, it stung Broud's pride and he took out his frustration on his mate. Oga shifted uneasily as she prepared to serve her mate his food, knowing whatever she did, she'd be cuffed. Gingerly, she set the food in front of him. Broud tasted the stew and spat it out. It was a meaty stew and prepared well, but nothing would have pleased him. Abruptly, he turned and cuffed his mate.  
  
"Woman, this stew is too cold," he motioned over her cowering form.  
  
Thonolan was on his feet in an instant. Indignant at the unfair treatment of the females, he felt obligated to champion them. With a mischievous grin, he went near Broud and used one of the new skills Sela had taught him. He made sure that Oga was on the other side of the hearth, so she wouldn't be blamed. Quickly, Thonolan tipped Broud's bowl over onto the leader's lap.  
  
"Ahh!" Broud shouted as the steaming liquid burned his legs and other parts. "Oga!" he looked around, seeking to place blame on her. As he turned angrily, Thonolan stuck his foot out and watched with glee as Broud fell flat on his face.  
  
Quickly taking in the scene, Uba gathered some herbs to use for his burns. She looked at Durc in annoyance as his lips drew back and he showed his teeth. Remembering how her sister used to make that face when she was happy, she relaxed. Carefully, she approached the leader's hearth and dropped down in front of him.  
  
The tap came quickly and impatiently. Broud didn't want his burnt areas to be permanently damaged. He'd lose much status if his man parts were didn't function properly. Uba quickly went to work; adding hot water to dried horsemint. She wished she had snow or something cooler for the raw burn.  
  
"Oga, get some cool fresh water," she demanded.  
  
Broud sat motionless as the medicine woman went to work, not showing any sign of discomfort. His thighs were raw with blisters, and the rest of him...he couldn't look. The clan was not unaware of the happenings at their leader's hearth and waited uneasily to see what would happen.  
  
Strange how the bowl just tipped over when Broud was sitting still, Goov mused. When he fell, he tripped over packed dirt, but it seemed like something invisible was in the way. Could this be a sign from the sprits? Were they unhappy with their leader? The hunt today made him realize that perhaps Broud should be leader no more. He'd need to spend time meditating on this.   
  
Oga quickly rushed back with cool water, receiving a nod of thanks from Uba. The medicine woman poured the water on the burnt area to cool the skin. The burn looked bad, the stew must have been boiling, she thought to herself. Uneasily, she wondered if all the skin would grow back. After she had done all she could, she packed the raw area with a poultice to draw out any infection.   
  
"The blisters need time to heal, the skin will become chapped and raw before new skin grows. If this man moves around too much, the burns may not heal properly," she motioned nervously, "the leader may want to stay close to his hearth until the blisters are gone."   
  
Broud glowered at Uba angrily and motioned to dismiss her. He fully intended to heed her warnings but chaffed at the idea of being idle.   
  
Goov motioned to Vorn and the two went outside. When they were far enough away, Goov stopped and expressed his growing concerns.   
  
"Broud will not be able to lead the hunts for awhile." Vorn nodded, this had concerned him also. "You will be leader while Broud heals."  
  
Thonolan was overjoyed. At last, the Clan would have a new leader, one more competent than Broud. If Thonolan had anything to do with it, Broud would not regain his leadership. He grinned gleefully as he thought of his next plan.  
  
He smiled to himself. Though the mother hadn't told him specifically what she wanted yet, he'd been making good use of his time. During the hunt today, he'd dogged Broud at every turn he could. He recalled the perplexed looks on the men's faces when Broud had been unable to get close enough to their prey. In the end, Vorn stepped in and led the hunt to its successful conclusion. The hunters were losing faith in their leader's ability to hunt successfully and a loss of face in other aspects as well.  
  
"Ha! Playing watcher over a bunch of filthy animals. Haven't you learned anything yet?" Thonolan shot up and looked into the face he'd hope he would never see again.  
  
(VOH p. 412)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~ * ~~~~~~~~~~ * ~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Thanks again Rubber Duck. I know you're not the only one reading, and have the stats to prove it. ;) 


	14. Inner Struggles

Chapter 14  
  
Inner Struggles  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"You!" Thonolan shouted, "you ruined the prairie, and almost killed my brother and Ayla!" He stalked over to the taunting veejia and drew back his fist and let fly. "Ahh," he exclaimed, shaking his stinging hand. Lumio lay sprawled on the ground, tenderly feeling his cheek. Thonolan wasn't sure who was surprised more, the other veejia or him.  
  
"Where did you learn to do that?" Lumio other demanded, "no matter, I'll show you how to do it properly."   
  
Lumio sprang into a fighting stance. He swung and caught Thonolan on his left cheek, but his next throw was blocked. Thonolan had instinctively learned the rudiments of touching physical and non-physical matter, and his learning was quickly expanding. Thonolan threw a jab, but it only partly landed. The two circled each other, and traded blow for blow.  
  
Goov was staring at the bush in fear. It had moved, and some of the leaves were broken! He hadn't seen anything touch it. Another leaf fell at his feet, what was happening? Vorn was noticing other things, such as rocks tumbling his way, straight across the ground. Uneasily, they both backed away from the clearing and headed toward the cave.  
  
"Goov!"  
  
The intensity of the cry seeped through Thonolan. Someone was in trouble, he thought to himself. Desperate to finish the fight quickly he sent a silent plea to the mother.  
  
"It would seem we were at a draw," the other veejia panted out," I'd love to stay and wrestle with you, but I've got far more important things than a bunch of animals to attend to." Giving a meaningful glance at Brun, Lumio turned away and disappeared.  
  
Thonolan leaned against a tree in relief. The fight had drained his emotional strength more than he thought possible. The other would have beaten him if he hadn't left. Why had he left anyway? What other important things did he need to do? Thonolan shuddered; perhaps he should follow and find out.  
  
"Goov! Aga is giving birth, but it is not going well. Droog sent me to find you."   
  
Thoughts of the strange moving bushes were pushed to the back of Vorn's mind. The spirits were restless and if something happened to Aga or her child, he'd know for sure that they were unhappy.  
  
Uba was preparing a medicinal concoction, drawing on her vast healing knowledge to aid in this birth. Aga's condition was not good, but Uba was helpless to do more than she already had. The baby was breach, and would not come out. Ona hovered near her mother, relieved when she saw Vorn and Goov return with Brun. Goov quickly shuffled to his place at the back of the cave to convene with the spirits. He sensed they were already with him, but whether they were evil or good he did not know.  
  
"We need to get her to a squatting position while I break her water," Uba motioned to Ona and Oga. Sending a silent prayer to her totem, she motioned for the woman to drink the decotation.  
  
Aga was completely exhausted, and knew her chances of both her and the child surviving were slim. She drained the cup and struggled to get to a squatting position with the help of the women.   
  
"I'm going to break your water, so you must push as hard as you can," Uba explained.   
  
Aga nodded, unsure if she had the strength to do even that. Uba took the slippery elm stick and the birth waters flowed down Aga's legs. Aga tensed as another contraction over took her.   
  
"Push now!"  
  
The woman bore down as hard as she could, with little result. "You must push, or your baby will die. You will die too, Aga," Uba pleaded.  
  
"Great mother, help this woman!" Thonolan whispered.   
  
He laid his hands on her abdomen, feeling the struggle within. For some reason, he knew this child had to live. Slowly, he sensed a shifting within the womb. Aga kernelled what little energy she had left into the next push.  
  
"I see the feet!" Ona exclaimed, "keep going, you're doing it!"   
  
A blossom of pain exploded within Aga as she continued to push. The delicate skin around her opening was torn and bleeding. Quickly, Uba grasped the tiny feet and pulled.  
  
"Just a little more," Uba encouraged.   
  
A keening wail sounded as Aga pushed the head of the baby out. The men had gathered at Vorn's hearth, uneasy with the unusually hard birth. Droog's only expression was the tightening of his grip on his cup.  
  
A hearty wail rose up in the tense silence of the cave. Uba gently held the baby as she encouraged Aga to expel the afterbirth. Wearily, she motioned Ona to wrap the afterbirth in a hide to be taken care of later.  
  
Oga turned to tell the news to the leader, but was undecided. Who should she tell first, her mate, or Vorn? Tradition won out, and she made her way to her hearth. "This woman is grieved to inform you that Aga's baby is a girl." She made a sign of sorrow, but inwardly she rejoiced. After being dismissed by Broud, she walked to Vorn's hearth and repeated the news.  
  
Goov nodded to Vorn, glancing at Broud's reclining figure. Vorn got up and followed Goov to Droog's hearth, performing his first task as leader.   
  
Wearily, Aga uncovered her daughter and held it up for inspection, her eyes cast downward.   
  
"This child is normal," Vorn motioned.  
  
Broud sat seething as he watched Vorn take command of the situation. If he wasn't so afraid that his movements would cause serious damage to his burnt parts, he would have marched over and taken his place.  
  
Thonolan hovered over the women, in awe at what he had witnessed. He'd never seen a woman give birth before, not even Jetamio. Jetamio; she hadn't been able to...he stifled a groan. Needing to get away from the happy mother and her child, he slipped out, knowing the danger had passed.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~ * ~~~~~~~~~~ * ~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Thanks again Rubber Duck, and to the rest of the nameless faces who are still reading. 


	15. For Luck

Chapter 15  
  
For Luck  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Your brother is foolish," a voice whispered.  
  
Thonolan was startled out of his musings at the sound of the Mother's voice. "I know that," he said, "what did he do now?"  
  
"Mend the threads," the voice whispered. The wind whisked around him then faded away.  
  
Thonolan reluctantly got up and headed back toward the valley. As he neared, he heard the faint sound of heart wrenching sobs. Drawn to the sound, he found himself near a stream.  
  
"Iza and Creb are not animals!" Ayla cried out her anguish, a solitary figure by the stream.  
  
Thonolan was surprised at the vehemence of Ayla's thoughts. What had Jondalar said to her? Oh no, he didn't, Thonlan thought to himself. Jondalar couldn't have shunned her because of the Clan! And yet there was a nagging voice at the back of Thonolan's mind that he might have done the same if the mother hadn't intervened. Perhaps he'd need to show Jondalar that the Clan were of the Mother too.  
  
Jondalar was lying in misery on his bed, calling himself every kind of idiot imaginable. He was unaware of his brother watching him. Thonolan relaxed slightly, maybe he wouldn't have to show his brother how wrong he was.   
  
Yet there was something wrong, Thonolan thought as he gazed intently at Jondalar. Breaking into his brother's thoughts, his eyes widened, Jondalar was planning on leaving. The Mother was right, Jondalar was being foolish. And then delving further into his brother's mind, Thonolan finally understood his brother's problem.  
  
Jondalar is in love, Thonolan thought to himself with a chuckle, my big brother has fallen head over heels in love! He laughed aloud in relief. Some birds took flight at the odd sound of Thonolan's uncontrollable laughter. His brother had yearned so long for a woman perfect for him and here she was. Though she wasn't exactly what Jondalar had expected. Thonolan watched as his brother buried himself deep in the furs.   
  
"Why did Thonolan have to die? Why didn't that lion kill me instead?" Jondalar said. Tears fell heedlessly down his face. "Thonolan wouldn't have done anything so stupid."   
  
Thonolan nodded mutely and quickly sobered at the words.   
  
"I wish I knew where that canyon was, Little Brother, I wish a Zelondonii could have helped you find your way to the next world. I hate to think your bones were left for the scavengers to scatter."  
  
"Don't worry about me, I'm doing alright," Thonolan said, "it's you I'm worried about, you and your stubbornness." He grinned wryly, "but I think the most enjoyable thing will be watching you fall in love."  
  
A wild whirl swept through the valley echoed by a giant hnga hnga. Thonolan watched entranced as the spirit of the great cave lion made its way over to Ayla who was far from Jondalar. She was clutching her amulet, praying silently.  
  
"Cave Lion, I've been alone so long, put luck in my amulet."  
  
(VOH p.432-433, 435)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~ * ~~~~~~~~~~ * ~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sorry this one didn't arrive right away after your review, RD. It's an odd week and I don't have as much computer time. I hope to have a chapter up each day but there's always RL that intrudes. 


	16. Help Unexpected

Chapter 16  
  
Help Unexpected  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Thonolan sighed despondently. He hadn't had so much fun and yet so much trouble before. His brother was quite comical being in with love. Ayla also felt love, he was sure of it. Why couldn't they both see past their own faces? Things were not going well, and he didn't seem to be helping matters.   
  
He watched as Jondalar worked on finishing some blanks he had napped. They were preparing to go on a hunt together. Though they weren't reconciled, a truce had been silently agreed to. Jondalar was planning on leaving, alone. Ayla was going to leave next spring, alone except for her horses. I've tried everything I can think of, what else can I do, Thonolan thought in frustration.  
  
"Mend the threads," the Mother whispered.  
  
"Yeah, I've tried, but I just can't do it."  
  
"Mend the threads!"  
  
He stood up and shook his fist at the air. "I just can't do it, I don't know how." He'd given up all hope of accomplishing this mission.  
  
"I'll send another to help."  
  
"You do that! I hope whoever you send has some good ideas." Kicking stones angrily, he started to walk away.  
  
An earsplitting crack sounded, making him jump. Quickly, he ran back toward Jondalar and Ayla, taking a protective stance. Wonderment filled Thonolan as he watched the sky split open. Cracks appeared from the center and chased their way outward. He gasped as he saw a man emerge from the center.  
  
The man fixed him with a hard look. Coming to stand in front of Thonolan he gestured angrily. "You've disturbed me for the second time. As a watcher, your duty is to carry out the Parent's wishes. You should not have need of another to come and help. You would not be asked do something you were not able to do." Thonolan had the grace to look ashamed. "If she was not the daughter of my heart, I might have refused to come."   
  
Dismissing Thonolan, the mog-ur shuffled over to Ayla who was turning a flake of stone in her hand. Mentally, she shivered, aware of forces at work around her. Gently, he laid his one good hand on her shoulder.   
  
"My daughter," Creb said softly. "Their destinies lie together, there is no other way. There will be times harder than now, and you must help them, without assistance." He cast his eye unblinkingly on young veejia.   
  
Thonolan had the distinct impression that he had been weighed and found wanting. If he couldn't help them here, how would he help in the times ahead? "Please, show me what I'm doing wrong."  
  
Giving a decisive nod, Creb reached out his sinewy arm and touched Ayla's head. Suddenly, a mist appeared so thick that it engulfed everyone from his view. "This is what must be done."   
  
Creb appeared in front of him, gesturing him to follow. The fog was heavy and dark, and Thonolan couldn't quite see everything the Mog-ur was telling him. A gentle wind blew through the mists and he saw the cave where he had become part clan. He sensed a beginning of...purpose. The divergence of destinies of the clan and others. Yet Creb led him onward and farther into the path. The mighty Mog-ur had not been able to do that in life, but he was more powerful in death.   
  
Thonolan watched transfixed as a lone woman set her feet away from her only home. She traveled the steppes to the valley.  
  
The scenes picked up speed; the hay colored stallion, firestones, horse hunt, baby, and three odd matched hunters. The visions slowed slightly as he watched two Mamutoi dressed men go near a box canyon. His mind screamed for them to stop. In a flash, their paths divided and one was carried away. The scenes shifted and Thonolan saw that the man and woman were traveling. He saw strange faces of a red-haired man, a distinctively dark colored man and the Mamut. A small puppy huddled alone deep in its den. Jondalar pleading for Ayla deeply lost in a dark void. A mountain burst flowing ash and fire. The thread was separated, yet never severed.  
  
He began to recognize a new purpose as they began to travel again. Home. A sense of longing assailed him. Thunder rumbled and rivers were crossed. His people, Jetamio's people, his boat! Endless plains stretched before the small figures. Wolf clad women! He tried to cry out a warning. The mists shifted and a great ice loomed ahead. Again, Creb was before him, gesturing urgently.   
  
"I don't understand!" Thonolan said in frustration.  
  
Creb motioned again, and then Thonolan understood. "We can be there before dark!"  
  
A sweet peacefulness engulfed Thonolan for he was at his birthplace. The Zelondonii searched out his spirit, and he knew his path was permanently severed from his brother. His journey was complete, yet Creb continued to lead him forward. He sensed a new change in direction, a new purpose. No, the purpose that she was intended for.   
  
A powerful healer...Jondalar, I couldn't breathe!...always loved, almost too much...strength gathered, a force to reckon with...when she worries about others, she forgets to take care of herself...Her amulet lying solitary on the hard packed earth...Creb continued onward...a bulge protruded from his wrap, he was protecting her newborn...He heard her crying in the cavern...thunder echoed...Jondalar stood alone.   
  
"Mother! Motherrr!"  
  
The mists melted away to reveal Jondalar and Ayla sitting in the same place, working with pieces of flint. Ayla shivered and let out a gasp. With a jerk, she found herself looking into Jondalar's concerned face. A shudder passed through her, as she tried to sort the illusion from reality.  
  
"Are you alright, Ayla?"  
  
"Yes. Yes, I'm fine."  
  
Jondalar also seemed affected. Goosebumps were raised on his flesh and the hair on the back of his neck was raised. "I think the weather is about to change, I felt a cold wind." They looked up at the clear blue sky, unmarked by clouds (VOH p. 451).  
  
Creb nudged Thonolan out of his reverie. "That is their destiny. Nothing must stop them form completing it."  
  
Thonolan sat down, heady with the vision still echoing in his head. It was more than he ever thought...more than one person...so difficult...like no other...so loved. His jumbled thoughts searched for direction.  
  
Setting their uneasiness aside, the two set back to the flint, exploring each other's techniques. Thonolan concentrated on shaping his blanks. Using an antler and a smooth beach rock, he chipped away small flakes until the blade had a sharp, narrow point. Taking an end of his breechclout, he took his new blade and poked a hole in it. "This is an awl." He showed the fine craftsmanship to the woman. "It makes small holes to draw sinew through for sewing clothes.  
  
"All, all." she tested the word on her tongue.  
  
"Ahwool."  
  
"Ahh...Auel?" she questioned.  
  
He smiled at her and nodded. It wasn't perfect, but he enjoyed hearing her accent.  
  
Creb motioned to Thonolan; "one more thing I must show you, this thread must be added."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~ * ~~~~~~~~~~ * ~~~~~~~~~~  
  
My apologies I didn't document all the quotes, there were too many. And thanks again RD for staying with me and reviewing. I'm assuming the others who are reading are happy with the story. No news is good news? ;) 


	17. More Than A Name

Chapter 17  
  
More Than A Name  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Goov was ready; he'd been ready for this moment for many years. Since the day of the earthquake when he had turned his back on Broud, he knew this day would come. The leader had never regained the respect due him in the mog-ur's eyes. This will be the time for change.  
  
Aga brought forward her daughter, still unsure of the events to come. She didn't like conflicts because they could be bad luck for a new baby. As a clan woman, she had no choice; her mate had given his promise. She looked down demurely and uncovered her child and held her up for Goov's inspection.  
  
The mog-ur began making gestures, calling the spirits to the ceremony. Grev, his acolyte held up a bowl of re-ochre paste. Dramatically, Vorn dipped his finger and drew a strip from the baby's brows to her nose.  
  
"Ayla, this girl's name is Ayla."  
  
Hands flew up, gesturing their surprise. Goov held his arm up, and signaled for silence.  
  
"Goov!" Broud said then gestured with angry movements, "that is not a clan name, you will give her another." Broud clutched his fights tightly against his thighs, barely holding onto control.  
  
Goov shook his head, "No I will not change the name. A promise was made long ago to the one who saved Ona's life. Droog gave his word that if another daughter was born to his hearth, he would name the girl after her."   
  
Brun nodded in silent approval. A promise could not be broken, even to one who had been cursed with death.  
  
"I will not allow a female to be named such," Brun gestured angrily  
  
"The choice is not yours," Goov said, "do you want to anger the spirits? The day she was cursed was bad luck for the clan. The cave collapsed, killing our mog-ur. It was her cave, and when she left, the spirits were angry. A piece of all our spirits was cursed that day, because you acted rashly."  
  
Broud blanched at the thought of further angering the spirits. Could it really be his fault that the spirits had not favored them since he had HER cursed? Abruptly, he pushed the self-incriminating thoughts aside. No, he had always acted in the best interests of the clan. Years of pent up anger at the thought of HER besting him came to the core.   
  
"No! She was insolent and dangerous. She deserved to be cursed! And you," he turned to face Brun, "you accepted her, made her a hunter and let her keep the Deformed One. If you had been a better leader, I would not have had to curse her!"  
  
"She's beat you again, son of my hearth," Brun gestured slowly, "a good leader would not allow himself to be affected by a female like this."  
  
Oga was looking down at the dirt floor, but she could see them talking out of the corner of her eye. It was not right for a woman to see the men arguing, and it shocked her. Her mate was losing control. Self-preservation led her to melt into the shadows and observe unobtrusively. The other women followed her and left the gathering. Only Aga stood trembling in the middle, her daughter clutched tightly to her bosom. Ayla cooed and rooted for the warm liquid milk.  
  
Broud's head snapped over to see Aga and her baby. Aga looked up nervously and tried to back away. Angrily, Broud stomped over to her, heedless of the chaffing pain in his thighs and groin. Glaring at the woman and child who had made him think of [I[her[/I] again, he lifted his fist to strike.   
  
An arm shot out and twisted Broud's arm back. Broud grunted and turned around angrily to see Vorn looking at him in disapproval.  
  
"Do not strike the woman, she has done nothing wrong," Vorn said, "you would also harm the baby if she fell. What kind of leader would do this? Is not the clan's welfare more important than a grudge against a dead female?"  
  
Goov stepped forward and addressed the clan as a whole. "I, Goov, the mog-ur of the clan of the cave bear, declare Broud unfit to lead." Hands fluttered again in shocked surprise. The women forgot their place and stared in shock at their mog-ur from the sidelines.  
  
Broud glowered at Goov; "You are not in a position to do this. You're not a powerful mog-ur at all, just a pitiful replacement for the one before you. As leader of this clan, I declare you unfit to be our mog-ur. I will send a runner to another clan for a replacement." He folded his arms as if to signal the end of the discussion.  
  
"No Broud, you cannot dismiss this charge," Brun gestured in resignation, "I will act as leader again until this is resolved. We must discuss this further."   
  
Nods of agreement followed Brun's words. The quick decisions that Broud favored made the Clan uncomfortable. The men would rather think about this and discuss it at length before anything was done. Change was hard for the clan as well as uncertainty. They had heard about leaders being replaced, but it was not done often.  
  
As Broud watched the people depart to go about their daily chores, he seethed in anger. Turning, he looked for Oga, who had discreetly left the cave. It was all HER fault; her spirit had never left. She was still causing trouble. His eyes settled on the Deformed One who sat quietly at his hearth eating his morning meal. Feeling a loss of control, he abruptly left the cave carrying only his spear.  
  
Creb motioned to Thonolan to join him. They were gathered at the back of the cave, where Goov was convening with the spirits. The mog-ur sat in silent meditation, searching out his memories for confirmation.   
  
"He knows we are here, and waits for us to guide him," Creb gestured.  
  
Thonolan threw him a puzzled look, "what can I do?"  
  
Creb's liquid brown eye looked solemnly at the spirit man of the others. "The clan as they are now will die. They must learn to adapt, and only the Others, your people can show them how."   
  
Gently, he took Thonolan's hand and guided it to Goov's flat shaped skull. Thonolan stared entranced at the dark hair and strange shaped head that his hand rested on, and the gnarled strong hand on top of his hand. With a sudden jolt, he realized that they were inside the young mog-urs brain.  
  
Uba hurriedly changed Broud's dressings. She didn't want to linger at his hearth for fear of a cuffing if she accidentally inflected pain. "The blisters are almost gone. If you were not burned too badly, new skin will grow back soon."  
  
Broud turned his head away but motioned; "will ALL return to normal?"  
  
Uba shifted uneasily, "this woman has done all she has knowledge to do. It is not certain yet if ALL will heal back to normal. The more this man stays at his hearth, the better the chance." Quickly, she gathered her herbs together ready to make a quick retreat. Waiting for dismissal, she noticed his thoughts were no longer on her.  
  
Brun was leading the men away to discuss the matter of the leadership. Uba watched Broud struggle to his feet and was surprised to see a grimace of pain. Clan men hardly ever showed outward signs of discomfort. Perhaps he's not just a weak leader, but also a weak man. She banished the thought as quickly as it came and glanced around, fearing that someone had read her thoughts. Her eyes locked with Oga's. Oga looked as if she understood, then nodded and turned back to her tasks.  
  
The men shuffled out toward a comfortable shaded glen. Brun held back and waited as Broud walked haltingly toward him. "You cannot attend this meeting."  
  
"Can I not defend myself?" He gestured angrily.  
  
"Your leadership of this clan is your testimony." Brun's gaze held compassion for the son of his hearth. He grieved that Broud had become the kind of leader he had witnessed these past years. Perhaps if he had trained him better this may not have happened.  
  
"This is a waste of time. When this is over I will be leader again. I will not forget those who spoke out against me." Turning on his heel, Broud stormed away. Seeing the cave, he knew he didn't want to face a bunch of nervous women. He headed out into the forests surrounding the cave.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~ * ~~~~~~~~~~~ * ~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Thanks RD and also welcome to the new readers who have been reading through the story. And no, RD, I hope you don't stop reviewing, I'd feel quite lonely then. Kidding... 


	18. Invocation

Chapter 18  
  
Invocation  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Brun joined the men who were already waiting silently for their interim leader. Many remembered the last time they had assembled with Brun presiding.   
  
"The man Broud has been leader for the passing of many summers," Brun began, "since the cave-in of our previous home. His leadership has been called into question by our mog-ur. This is a serious charge and not to be taken lightly. If he is found incapable of further leadership, we also face the task of finding a replacement. I would like to hear what you have to say on this matter."  
  
"Crug would speak." Brun nodded and he continued. "These past summers have been difficult for Broud as leader. To begin to lead a clan at the time when our home is destroyed and bad spirits are summoned is not easy. But he has found us a cave though not as large as the last; it is adequate for our needs. We have prospered and children have been born to our hearths. The spirits are still with us and favor him. Some may think that he lets his personal feelings rule him. I say he has improved much in this area. Let his leadership continue."   
  
Brun nodded, looking thoughtfully. This was true, but it was not the whole truth.  
  
"Zoug would speak. It's true that the clan is not as lucky as it has once been. The hardships that Broud has endured, he has brought on himself. He cursed our medicine woman because she acted in the best interest of our former mog-ur. He cursed a piece of each of ours spirits also."   
  
The men shifted uncomfortably. They had not forgotten how rashly their leader had acted then.   
  
"Broud still acts too quickly and does not think of the consequences," Zoug continued, "if she were still here, he may not have stopped being bothered by her. Even today, we have seen that he still allows her to affect him. Broud is not fit to be leader."   
  
Nods of agreement followed his words. Brun looked around and the mog-ur caught his eye.  
  
"I would speak, I have brought the charge against him," Goov said. "A piece of our spirits left with the former medicine woman. When she dies, a piece of each of us alive then will die with her."  
  
"What do you mean, 'if she is dead?' Has she not already been cursed with death?" Brun asked the question that all of them had been thinking.  
  
"She was one of the Others, and I cursed her in the clan tradition. I don't know how it is possible, but she lives," Goov said.  
  
Chaos erupted as the men began to speak at once. Hands flew in wild gestures as they each tried to make sense of the mog-ur's words.   
  
"Silence!" Brun's voice echoed through their consciousnesses as each slowly dropped their hands. "Goov, how do you know this?"  
  
"I was given a vision." He looked each man in the eye, making them to shift uncomfortably. They each secretly feared his close contact with the spirit world. "The vision was from our former mog-ur, Creb."  
  
Thonolan and Creb were watching the men when pandemonium erupted again. There was fear in many of the faces at the mention of the mighty mog-ur.   
  
"My time here is almost finished," Creb said, his arm swept over the men, "it is set in motion, they will listen to Goov. Now, I will see the daughter of my hearth one more time."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
They found Ayla and Jondalar in the cave, studying a pile of sticks. Creb watched intrigued as the blonde man picked up each stick and named them. Creb's eye widened as he began to understand the concept of counting words.  
  
"One, two, three, four, five..." Ayla pointed to each finger with each word.  
  
"That's it! I knew you were close when I saw your sticks."  
  
They were Ayla's sticks? Creb thought to himself. He remembered when she was a girl and he had taught her the concept of keeping track of days. She had astounded him with her quick grasp of the abstract idea. He felt a swell of pride in his chest as he realized that she had continued to use his teachings.   
  
Ayla got up and retrieved a bulging bundle. As she opened it, Creb's surprise grew as he saw the heap of counting sticks that came tumbling out. Had she been there that long? Time had not mattered to him in the spirit world; there was no concept of it. He knew from his spirit journeys that she had been alone in the valley, but he didn't have an idea of the amount of time.  
  
"You are seventeen years, Ayla. You have lived a lifetime in your seventeen years." Jondalar said.  
  
Thonolan watched Jondalar covertly as the two interacted. They seemed more relaxed with each other now. Perhaps it wouldn't be so hard to join them together in time. He glanced over at Creb who looked on with love and pride. The mog-ur raised his whole arm and begun a powerful invocation. He was never so much in his element as when he was practicing his art. It was true that he was no longer the Clan mog-ur. He had transcended that stage.  
  
Watching him struck a chord of recognition within Thonolan. The first time he had seen anyone move with such fluid grace was when Ayla invoked the spirits for him. No spirits were called this time, he noted with some relief. Creb was giving a blessing of protection and guidance over Ayla. His serenade ended and he dropped his arm in meditative silence. Thonolan waited for the mog-ur and began to wonder as the moments flew by. Finally, he lifted his head and nodded decisively.  
  
"My time here is done. Do not forget what you have learned."   
  
They walked outside toward the river. A thunderous crack echoed across the sky, opening up to receive the mog-ur. As Thonolan watched him leave, Creb did not look back; he had no words for departing, and needed none.  
  
Alone amongst the living, Thonolan turned back to the cave where Ayla and Jondalar were talking quietly together.   
  
"This was his Journey more than mine from the beginning...I just traveled with him." The words floated down to Thonolan as he climbed toward them.  
  
"Perhaps he's happier, if it's what he wanted. It's difficult to go on living when you lose someone you love so much." The woman's words sent a chill through him. For a brief moment, he heard the words as a prophecy.  
  
By the time Thonolan entered the cave, he found the two sitting silently. Jondalar was looking pensively at the fire. Maybe Ayla was right. She ought to know; she had suffered enough grief and hardship. But she chose to live. Thonolan had courage, rash and impetuous. Ayla's was the courage to endure.  
  
(VOH pp. 469-471)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~ * ~~~~~~~~~~ * ~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Thanks for being patient for this chapter. We've had some RL stuff going on, namely auto accident and finding a new car quickly. RD, I appreciate your kind words. Sticky notes and highlights go far in helping me remember details. Hello to Jester too, and welcome. Yes, I had the names mixed up a little in the last chapter, but they will be fixed soon. Sorry about the confusion. 


	19. Chameleons

Chapter 19  
  
Chameleons  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Another hunt soon, Thonolan mused to himself, I hope there aren't any dirk-toothed tigers around this time. I don't think I could hold one back by myself, he thought ruefully. Ayla and Jondalar were both excited at the prospect of trying out their new "spear throwers." I've got to hand it to you, brother; you sure know how to use your head! That is, when it comes to tool making. When it comes to matters of the heart you're like the simple chamois; unaware of what's going on around you! He started to chuckle at his own humor.  
  
He watched the pair as they sat outside their cave. The valley was idyllic for a couple to get to know each other. Thonolan looked up suddenly when he felt the presence of other people approaching.  
  
"Quick, change shape!"   
  
Thonolan turned around, just in time to see Sela turn into an antelope. Another larger antelope was grazing beside her. Quickly, he reached within himself and tried to copy them, searching for the ability to mimic them. Snorting, the smaller doe trotted over. She took her muzzle and nudged him. Instantly, Thonolan found himself craving the rich green blades of grass on four long legs.  
  
The sky was being disturbed as a wrinkling appeared. It rippled like a boat through water, except that was no boat sailing in front. The sight was oddly familiar to him, though he had never watched this happen from the ground before.   
  
The presence of the person leading the search spotted the two people and the horses. Jondalar was tying something to the small brown horse and the old man paused curiously. His eyes missed nothing, and he wrinkled his angular marked tattoo when he saw the antelope. There was something about them that wasn't quite right, he mused. They might make for unusual hides. But still, there were only three and not enough for a hunt. He switched directions and looked elsewhere.  
  
"That was close!" Sela exclaimed as she threw off the antelope cover. "I forgot that you didn't know how to change shape," she looked apologetically as Thonolan tried to follow her movements. "Here, let me help." She reached in and tugged on a part within his spirit. Instantly, he stood up and shed his cover. "It's not good for the living to see us, and that old man was one of the few who could."  
  
"I'm glad we came here when we did." Malia stood tall beside her daughter pleased that they weren't noticed.  
  
"That was amazing," Thonolan said.  
  
Sela smiled slyly at him; "we can change into about any creature we want. It's always been quite interesting." She trailed a finger slowly across his chest.  
  
"Sela, Did I not teach you manners?"  
  
"Yes, but you never seemed to have any with Luthio around."  
  
Malia looked at Thonolan, "I'm sorry. She was taught propriety, but," she said and shrugged dismissingly.   
  
"Mother, you don't need to apologize for me." She turned to Thonolan, "unless of course, you think there was a need for one?" she queried with a raised eyebrow.  
  
Enjoying the banter he grinned and winked, "nothing to be sorry for. Come, let me escort you ladies to the cave." Taking her hand in his arm, he guided them forward.  
  
"We came to see how they were progressing," Malia said, "were you able to join them yet?"  
  
Thonolan groaned. "I'm working on it. Don't worry," he added as the women exchanged dubious looks, "it will all work out, of this, I am sure."  
  
"Of course it will!" Sela interjected, "now that the women are here."   
  
"Do you mean to tell me that they haven't shared pleasures yet?" Malia asked in surprise.  
  
Thonolan shook his head; "they don't understand each other's signals."  
  
Sela rolled her eyes, "and you're the one who wanted to find a woman around each bend of the river? You're lucky you could find your way to their furs."  
  
"My brother has always been the one that women were drawn to. Even if I had seen them first, all he had to do was turn those blue eyes on a woman." He combed a hand through his hair in frustration.  
  
"Those blue eyes aren't working their magic this time," Malia said.   
  
"I think the Cave Lion has chosen you, Jondalar." Snatches of their conversation wafted out to them.  
  
"Can a clan totem choose a man of the others?" Thonolan queried. Sela turned to answer, but stopped with a look of anguish on her face. "Malia, what's wrong?"  
  
"Lumio!"  
  
Sela gasped and turned to where her mother was looking. "No..."  
  
Someone sniggered behind Thonolan and he quickly turned around. "You!" He shouted as he jumped to his feet. "You're not welcome here."  
  
"Welcome or not, it doesn't matter to me. I thought I'd amuse myself by watching you blunder with those two," he jerked his head toward the cave. A malicious grin played across his features, "perhaps I will help, how do I put this...sever the thread?"  
  
Thonolan's fists clenched and he narrowed his eyes at the intruder. As he stepped menacingly forward, he felt a calm hand on his arm. He looked around into Sela's pleading eyes. With a groan of frustration he pulled back and laced her arm through his. Fighting would not help the situation.   
  
"Lumio, please." Malia said softly.  
  
"Don't try to stop me; I don't want to hurt you. My fight is not with weak women." He turned back toward the cave, ignoring the pain on Malia's face.  
  
Sela disentangled herself from Thonolan's grasp and ran toward Lumio. Catching him just outside the entrance, she pulled him around. "You don't want to do this. Please leave here, and never come back. In the name of the Mother, leave her alone!"   
  
Lumio looked deeply into her pleading eyes. For a brief moment Thonolan saw a hint of tenderness. The expression changed quickly to scorn.  
  
"Bah, you women and your weak ways!" He drew back his arm as if to strike. Sela didn't flinch, but faced him squarely. "Enough! You are nothing. You are...weak." Turning on his heel, he stalked off into the deepening night.  
  
Sela collapsed in sobs as Malia ran toward her. "My brave daughter." She too had tears coursing down her cheeks. Holding her daughter close, she gave a keening wail of loss.  
  
Thonolan stood awkwardly, not knowing if his comfort would be welcomed. He turned and entered the cave to assure himself that no damage had been done to Ayla or his brother. He heaved a sigh of relief when he noticed they were unharmed, yet not unaffected. Jondalar was looking at Ayla from across the fire with an odd expression.  
  
"What's wrong, Ayla?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
(VOH pp. 491-492)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~ * ~~~~~~~~~~ * ~~~~~~~~~~ 


	20. Capture

Chapter 20  
  
Capture  
  
"That spear thrower is ingenious!" Malia studied the one Jondalar was holding.  
  
"Be quiet, mother. You'll scare the bison," Sela whispered.  
  
A young half-grown heifer snorted nervously. Unsure of the strange sounds, she edged herself back toward the herd. Ayla had been watching the heifer and quickly took aim. Jondalar followed her lead and hurled his spear.  
  
"Right on target!" Sela shouted and ran out into the fray.   
  
The excitement of the hunt had always given her pleasure. The great cows began to trample about nervously, fearing the smell of fresh blood. Suddenly, Sela saw a young bull break from the herd. "Ayla!"  
  
"Ayla! Look out!" Jondalar echoed her cry." The man instinctively launched a spear, hitting a flank. Ayla's response was quick and deadly. Raising her arm, she let fly another spear. Bellowing in pain, the young bull fell to the ground, with a trembling spear protruding from his eye.  
  
"Thank Donii!" Thonolan gasped in relief.  
  
Sela loped toward him with a huge grin. Her eyes were alight dancing with pleasure as she pulled him toward her and began to dance around. "She's such a good hunter. I miss hunting myself. I'd like to have a spearthrower too!" A hint of longing shadowed her face. She quickly shook it off and smiled sunily at Thonolan. "Let me show you how the Sungaea dance."   
  
Thonolan tried to mimic her movements, but couldn't keep up. "If I was at home, I'd have on my white robe with all of the lovely beads on it. I'd coil my hair up and wear my beaded headdress. How I miss it all!" She stopped her movements and dropped her head. "I wonder what it will be like in the next world.  
  
"Oh daughter," Malia cried, "you've missed out on so much because of me."  
  
Sela shook her head vehemently, "no, I chose to come with. There has never been any other choice for me."  
  
Malia looked at her daughters with love and pride shinning from her eyes. "Look at us! They've had such a successful hunt, and we can only think of the past." She took her daughter gently by the arm and they started back to Ayla and Jondalar. Malia beckoned Thonolan to follow.  
  
As they drew closer, Sela giggled. "Don't look now, but they're kissing!"  
  
"Then what should be done?" Ayla asked.  
  
"First Rites, Ayla, If you will allow me," Jondalar said.   
  
"Surely this will secure their affections," Malia said with a wide smile, "Sela, come with me and we will 'assist' Ayla in preparations. Thonolan, can you keep an eye on your brother?"  
  
"I think I can handle that." He grinned at the excited women who turned and followed Ayla.   
  
Entering the cave, he found Jondalar over the fire checking the roast. "You've done this enough. Remember Noria? I wonder if she did have a child with blue eyes like you. Perhaps I'll go find them on our way back."   
  
Jondalar reached into his sleeping furs and pulled out a piece of ivory. By the look of it, he had been working on it for some time. Chipped and chiseled to shape, it resembled the figure of a woman. Unlike the Donii he had given to Noria, this one was more slender and younger. He took up his tools along with the figure and went outside.  
  
Thonolan shuffled his feet and paced directionless. He was bored. He hadn't realized how much he had begun to enjoy the company of the women. Every now and then, he glanced over to his brother, but his thoughts were elsewhere. Jondalar was carving the head, shaping suggestions of woven braids randomly placed. Just like Ayla's hair, Thonolan thought to himself. Suddenly, Jondalar's thoughts filtered over to him.  
  
"...If I could draw her to me, overcome her resistance and capture her spirit."  
  
"Capture her spirit?" Thonolan said in surprise. He stalked toward his brother, not liking this turn of events.  
  
Jondalar was studying the figure intensely. "Why did they carve the image of an animal on a weapon, or on the Sacred Walls?"  
  
"Don't be ridiculous, Jondalar. You can't capture Ayla's spirit that way. It wouldn't be right, no one puts a face on a Donii." He shuddered at the thought of an object capturing a spirit. What if it fell into the wrong hands? In a flash he recalled something he'd seen on one of his spirit journeys. A mother figure with a face...Ayla's face! Lost and broken, with the head severed from the body. "Jondalar, don't do it! You don't know what this could mean for her. I know that you want a piece of her to stay with you, but this isn't the way."  
  
"O Great Mother, tell me, would it be such a terrible thing to do?" Jondalar pleaded.  
  
Thonolan opened his mouth to protest when a strong wind swept up from the valley. "Quiet," the voice whispered.  
  
"But he's going to carve her face on a Donii! No one has done this before. What of the danger to the woman?"  
  
"Am I not in control?"  
  
He relaxed his pose and sighed, "yes."  
  
"It is a part of her future, and the ancient past of others."   
  
Resigned, Thonolan sat so he could watch his brother. With some trepidation, he saw the face take shape. There was no doubt as to whom it represented. Though he was assured it was a part of a larger plan, he couldn't help but feel uneasy.  
  
Jondalar lifted up the ivory figure and examined it. Satisfied, he returned to the cave. Spying a bundle of leather near the wall, he tucked it inside. With that done, he turned and left the cave, looking for the woman. What was taking her so long?  
  
A sound teased Thonolan's ears. Where had he heard that before? Hearing a stone scrap on stone, he turned around and screamed.  
  
(VOH pp. 495-496, 498-501)  
  
Sorry, I forgot to add author notes to the last chapter. RD, yes there is a similarity to the names, for good reason. You'll find out more about that soon enough. And yes, as I wrote the "search," Mamut saw Ayla and Jondalar. You'll notice later in The Mammoth Hunters, Mamut is not surprised to see the two people when they arrive at camp.   
  
Thank you Jester for your encouragement! I'm glad you've been enjoying this story and some of the other ones as well. 


	21. Oh, Baby

Chapter 21  
  
Oh, Baby  
  
xxxxxxxxxxx  
  
"Jondalar, look out!"   
  
Jondalar had heard the sound of the stone scraping too and had already started to move. Eyes widened as Jondalar spotted the largest cave lion he had ever seen heading toward the cave. Acting quickly, he grabbed his spear and prepared to defend himself. At the same moment, he watched in horror as Ayla ran towards the lion.  
  
"Stay back!" Thonolan heard Jondalar shout.  
  
"What's going on?" Sela had raced up the ledge when she heard the yelling. Malia was right behind her.  
  
"No, Jondalar!" Ayla jumped into the path of the lion. "Stop!" She signaled to the lion.   
  
Thonolan's jaw slacked open in astonishment as the giant lion checked himself mid-air. Twisting his body to avoid hurting the man, the lion landed near Ayla's feet.   
  
"Baby! Oh, Baby! You came back!"  
  
Sela and Malia were erupted in laughter. "Its...only...baby!" Sela choked out. "Mother, did you see the expression on their faces?"  
  
Malia struggled to breathe, "yes," she said through her laughter. They looked at Thonolan's bewildered expression and grinned at each other.  
  
"Baby?" Thonolan asked skeptically. "That thing is called a Baby?"  
  
"Yes, he's Ayla's adorable little cub." Malia's eyes danced with mischief.  
  
"Adorable? Cub?"  
  
"Poor strong veejia, scared by a little lion!" Sela leaned against the wall for support as she shook with uncontrolled laughter.  
  
"That 'little lion' is snarling at my brother," Thonolan said angrily, "that's the lion that..." his voice trailed off and he looked away quickly.  
  
The women sobered at this news. "Baby? Baby was the lion that killed you?" Malia asked.  
  
Thonolan looked closer at the lion, "yes, it must have been. She 'spoke' to him and it saved Jondalar's life. I don't think there is another lion as huge as he is!"  
  
Malia came toward him, apologetic. "I didn't realize it was Baby, we didn't mean to make you upset."  
  
"I guess I did look rather funny, and so did Jondalar," he conceded, "if it had to be a lion then I'm glad it was Baby. Otherwise..." His thought forgotten, he dropped his jaw again. "Great Donii, she's on that animal!" Thonolan looked in shock as Ayla rode the lion as easily as she rode Whinney.  
  
Sela stifled her giggle. Such a sight had not been seen by anyone other than them. Ayla was wildly beautiful atop the powerful lion. She reveled in the sound as she heard the hnga hnga building up to a bone-shattering roar. Smiling in pleasure, she turned back to the man. "Baby is wonderful."  
  
"Baby is huge!"  
  
Both women smiled fondly, "yes, Ayla took good care of him. No other lion around is as large as he is. We've looked! He is becoming the prominent male in the area. Who knows how large his range will be?" Malia said wistfully.  
  
"How did you get trapped in that blind canyon?" They heard Ayla ask.  
  
Malia beckoned to Sela and Thonolan to follow. They walked down near the river and sat in a comfortable spot. "I though it was time to leave them to their first rites." She raised an eyebrow at Sela who started to protest. "Let them have their privacy." Turning to Thonolan she asked, "so how did you come to be in the canyon? I think it's time we heard your story."  
  
xxxxxxxxxx  
  
Sela had become restless. Her mind was abuzz with the story of Jondalar and Thonolan. Though she had known bits and pieced before, the whole journey seemed incredible.   
  
"Indeed, the Mother called them here," she whispered to Whinney. "My little sister will have a great destiny." She scratched Whinney's favorite spots as Racer came to lean on his dam. "You're getting to be big! Ayla makes a good mommy." The subject of her thoughts emerged beaming from the cave. "First rites must have sat well with her. I remember what it was like for me. Whinney, I wonder if...can a spirit and a spirit?"  
  
Whinney nickered a greeting and headed for Ayla. Contentment flooded through Sela when she saw the happiness on Ayla's face. It must have worked! Ayla and Jondalar must have reconciled. Why else would she be that happy?  
  
"I wish I could have a baby. Jondalar's baby. I can't - what would I do after he goes? Goes! Oh, Whinney, Jondalar is going to leave!"  
  
Sela's eyes widened. What went wrong? "Mother! Jondalar! Come quick!"  
  
"What is it, daughter?" Malia said running to where Sela stood.  
  
"She was so happy, glowing actually. I thought everything was just fine. Then she said...Jondalar is going to leave!" She wailed.  
  
"What!" Thonolan barked. "Impossible, he can't be that foolish."  
  
"Oh, but it's true! I heard Ayla say he was leaving." She paused in indecision; "maybe there's a misunderstanding."  
  
"There's only one way to find out for sure." Malia marched up to the cave entrance.  
  
A cool wind urged Ayla back to the cave. She moved the cold roast and built her morning fire. Jondalar was still sleeping.  
  
"Thonolan," Malia said gently, "you must go to him. Only you with your close relationship can get through to his dreams." She urged him forward to the sleeping man.  
  
He looked uncertainty at the woman, "me? But I..."  
  
"Besides Ayla, you're the only one he loves. Your bond is still strong, perhaps stronger in death." She drew him closer and gently took his hands. Reluctantly he followed her lead.  
  
"I thought the bond needed to be with mother and daughter. How can I do this?"  
  
"I've seen the closeness that you two have shared. It is just as strong as a mother-child relationship."  
  
Casting an uncertain glance at Malia, he knelt down near his brother's sleeping form. Placing his hand on the sides of Jondalar's head, he pressed his forehead against Jondalar's. Thonolan began by exploring his brother's mind. Searching through the memories and thoughts, he brought himself to his brother's dream.  
  
"No, no! Thonolan! Thonolan!" The cave lion leapt upon him. A woman appeared and turned the lion away. She had the mother's own face, or did the mother's face resemble hers? "Ayla? Ayla? Is it you?"  
  
"Yes, it's I." Ayla answered, looking down at the blonde haired man. She had come back to the cave and had heard Jondalar crying out in his sleep. She slipped under the covers next to the restless man. With tears of loss streaming down her cheeks, she wept herself to sleep.  
  
"She's your Donii woman, Jondalar, look," Thonolan said.   
  
Ayla's shape changed to the ancient Donii he had given to Noria. She became the size of a great mountain and began giving birth. Jondalar's imagination was impressing itself on Thonolan's direction. Vague forms of people were seen through a misty haze. As drew near and the mists cleared, he drew back. Flatheads!   
  
"Yes, they are the mother's creation and not an abomination. Ayla, she was one of them," Thonolan said to his brother's dreaming mind.  
  
Another group of people was birthed. Thonolan furrowed his brow in consternation. He felt that he was not the only one guiding this dream, the Mother had a hand in this also. "You must join with her Jondalar, it's why you were sent so far. It's why WE were sent here."   
  
Jondalar tossed as Ayla sobbed uncontrollably. He couldn't reach her to comfort her. Why was she so far away? The people kept emerging from the Mother, a people wearing beaded shirts.  
  
Thonolan recognized the beadwork from somewhere, but where? What was the Mother telling them both? Jondalar was fighting to get to Ayla. He was swept away by the birth waters, no, the waters of the great Mother River. Thonolan! His mind raced back as a log with a bloody shirt swirled past. Thonolan grieved with his brother, he was no longer in control. The sights and events he knew held a deep meaning that he couldn't' fathom.  
  
Jondalar craned his neck to look back at Ayla standing in the mouth of the cavern. Her sobs echoed in his ears. Then, with resounding thunder, the cavern collapsed in a great rain of rocks. He stood alone, crying.  
  
A chill swept through Thonolan as a cold breeze washed over him. He had been trying to control the dream, to convince his brother to take Ayla with him. But he had lost control. No, the Mother had taken control of the dream. She had shown them both something important. He racked his brain, but he couldn't figure it out. What was it that she wants me to know? Releasing his hold on his brother's head, he stood up. Stumbling across the cave, he went out into the night.  
  
VOH pp.502-506, 523-526 


	22. Never Alone

Chapter 22  
  
Never Alone  
  
--------------  
  
"You were not alone." It was not a question but a statement of fact.  
  
Thonolan whirled around to see Sela framed in the entrance of the cave. Her golden hair creating a halo effect that caused him to take a quick intake of breath.   
  
"No, I don't think I was alone. I wasn't even in control!" He ran a hand through his hair in irritation. "I don't know if I helped or made it worse." He slumped and slid to the ground. "Donii! What do you want from me?" He said in frustration.  
  
Sela hurried to him and knelt beside his abject form. "Shh...you've been through so much. Going into the mind of a person is difficult to handle." She wrapped her arms around him and gently rocked to and fro.   
  
Wrapped in a warm soothing embrace, he felt his defenses drop. Leaning close he let out long stored anguish. Sela crooned softly in response to his cries.  
  
Malia peeked out of the cave to see her daughter giving comfort. She well remembered when she had invaded Ayla's dreams and helped her to talk. The separation after was the worst; it was as if the person was lost to you all over again. Dream interposing was emotionally exhausting. Knowing she would not be of much help to the two, she turned back to the man.  
  
Jondalar was sitting up, trying to make sense of the jumbled fragments of his dream. Tenderly kissing Ayla's hair, he got up and poured tea for himself. Morning was breaking and he walked to the porch of the cave.  
  
Malia studied the man who held her daughter's heart. He was in all, a good match. But was he ready to join himself to a woman with such a past? What of tomorrow, and all the tomorrows after? With every person who stands against her, will he stand with her? She shook her head slowly. The Mother knows, and she brought them together.  
  
An understanding look came across Jondalar's face. Flatheads, of course! He was beginning to understand some of the dream. Why was her face on the ancient Donii? Why should the Great Earth Mother Herself bear the likeness of Ayla?  
  
"The Mother has a great destiny in store for her, and for you too. Think on it, what would your life be if she wasn't with you?" Malia leaned close and whispered in his ear.  
  
Why do I feel such utter despair? What am I not seeing? He thought again of the people in beaded shirts. Ayla had made him one like it...he would wear it when he left. Leave? Leave Ayla?  
  
Sela's eyes lit up and she whispered, "that's right, that's what you're missing."  
  
"What a stupid fool I have for a brother," Thonolan had quietly approached the flustered man, leave her? You can't, you love her! You're so blind when it comes to matters of the heart. Why does it take dream interposing to tell you something that's right in front of you?"  
  
Jondalar was exuberant. I love her! I love Ayla!  
  
"Took you long enough, big brother," Thonolan said with a grin.  
  
"And he's the more astute of you two?" Sela said teasingly, "feeling better now?"  
  
Thonolan smiled down at the beautiful young woman. "Thank you." For a moment he was lost in her expressive eyes. Quickly, he averted his gave and faced Malia. "And thank you for helping him. He can be thick headed at times."  
  
"Jondalar! Where are you?" They turned inside at the sound of Ayla's cries. "Oh, Jondalar, I thought you were gone."  
  
"Never again, Ayla. If my brother has any sense, you won't be lonely again," Thonolan said wistfully.  
  
"If he has any sense? We're in trouble!" Sela said mockingly.  
  
"Quiet, I'd like to listen." Malia held a finger to her lips.  
  
"I have never said this to a woman before, I love you," Jondalar said.  
  
"Love?" Ayla asked. "What does 'love' mean?"  
  
Thonolan doubled over, convulsed in laughter, "you're right, we're in trouble! The only woman he loves, and she doesn't understand it!" Giggles joined his rumbling mirth. "O Great Mother, you do have a sense of humor."  
  
Malia composed herself and looked over at Thonolan apologetically. "We must leave now."  
  
"When will I see you again?"  
  
Sela smiled at him; "we'll meet again. They're coming along quite well. I'd venture to guess that most of the difficulty is past."  
  
"I wouldn't be too sure." Thonolan recalled his last spirit journey.  
  
She cocked her head, "from what the Mother has shown me, most of my work is done. I'm not sure why we've been shown different things."  
  
"Sometimes I think that if we knew the whole plan..."  
  
"We wouldn't want to go through with any of it," she finished. They laughed quietly together.  
  
"I'll miss you." Thonolan whispered.  
  
She looked down at the ground. "I'll miss you too. If only..."  
  
He put his finger to her lips, "shhh. Don't say it." She nodded sadly.  
  
"Sela," Malia called.  
  
"I wish I could stay, but you know how it is. We go where the Mother tells us." She looked earnestly up in his face. Coming to a quick decision, she reached up and placed a fleeting kiss on his lips. Before he could respond, she had turned away, and was already disappearing in the distance. Silently, he held up his hand with his palm facing forward.  
  
Ruefully, he touched his lips, she had felt so vital and alive. It stirred up sensations that had long been at rest.   
  
"Jetamio, how I miss you."  
  
(VOH pp.527-529) 


	23. The Choice

Chapter 23  
  
The Choice  
  
---------------  
  
The woman and man with the two horses made an odd looking group. Thonolan followed as they left the valley, traveling along the river south. They crossed the swirling waters where a steep slope covered the other side. He started to sweat when he realized where they were heading.   
  
"Please, I don't want to go back," he whispered.  
  
Ayla paused, but only to mount Whinney with Jondalar behind her. The land was rougher and rockier, with many canyons and slopes. They soon arrived at the location and Thonolan sat down when Ayla dismounted.   
  
"I don't want to follow, please Mother."  
  
A warm breeze swelled up over him. "As their Watcher, you have helped them unknowingly. It is time for them to help you." The wind tugged on his form to where his brother and Ayla stood.  
  
Reluctantly, he got up and entered the blind canyon. His brother and Ayla were at a rockslide at the back. Shuddering, he remembered how that particular formation came to be.  
  
"This is the place, Jondalar." Ayla drew out a pouch from his tunic and gave it to Jondalar.  
  
"What is this?" He asked, beginning to recognize the place.  
  
"Red earth, Jondalar. For his grave." Nodding, Jondalar stood with tears running unchecked down his cheeks. He poured the red ochre into his hand and sprinkled it over the rocks and gravel.  
  
When the second handful was spread, Thonolan quivered. "What's happening to me?" He convulsed as he felt his being changed somehow. His body felt light, as if he had drunk too much barma. Thonolan dropped slowly to the ground, his eyes wide with awe. Something new was seeping through him, something powerful and good. Time slowed for him and he swore he could hear the Mother's heartbeat. He barely noticed when Ayla made a gesture over his grave.  
  
A rumble was sounded and grew louder. Thonolan watched in complacent calmness as the largest cave bear he had ever seen thundered toward him. Fear never entered his mind, only an odd fascination for the creature. It stood up on its hind legs, stretching to its enormous height.  
  
"It's time, Thonolan."  
  
He shook his head slowly and sat up. "Time for what?"  
  
The bear dropped down beside him and pushed its nose near. "Home, you can go home Thonolan."  
  
His eyes widened, "how? But I thought I had to go to the Zelondonii?"  
  
The bear snorted. "Foolish veejia, who gives the Zelondonii power? The Mother has gifted you with this chance. I can lead you to your hearth."  
  
"Aren't you a clan spirit?"  
  
The bear gave a low rumbling roar, "have you not learned yet? Clan or Others, they are the same to the Mother. True that each serves one kind of spirit, but we are all the same. It is in human frailty that limits their access to us." He got up and paced, "come, I can't stay long."  
  
Thonolan jumped up eagerly. His whole being felt lighter and freer. Home! To Jetamio, and their son, and all those who had gone before. Wait until I tell Sela... He paused as he thought of his new friends. Will they ever know what happened to me? What about Jondalar and Ayla? Who will watch over them when I cannot? Stopping in indecision, he remembered when Creb had shown him the future. He had followed his brother home, but if he went now, what would happen? Torn between the two, he looked anxiously at the cave bear.   
  
"Do I have to come now?"  
  
The creature nodded. "If you don't, I'm not sure when you'll be able to go. The choice is yours of course."  
  
Thonolan stood on the rocky ground feeling a deep loneliness. He wanted to discuss this with Malia and Sela; he wanted to tell Jondalar he was leaving. But the bear kept walking away as he stood in the blind canyon. Looking toward his brother who was crying openly, he knew what he had to do.  
  
"Wait," he called out. The bear stopped and looked back, "tell the Mother when you see her, thank you. There was never a choice for me to make. I can't go back now."  
  
The bear shook his snout up and down as if waving an affirmation and good-bye at once. Moving his massive paws, he lumbered away toward his home.  
  
Sagging to the ground, he covered his head. "I'm so sorry, Tamio. I hope you understand. We'll have eternity together when I get there." He felt his heart squeeze painfully at losing this chance.  
  
The wind rustled gently up to him. Surrounding the small veejia with its breath, it sighed. "You've chosen well."   
  
He stood up angrily. "I didn't have a choice. You know that Ayla and Jondalar need protection on their journey. I haven't completed your plan either, attaching threads." He folded his arms and held himself rigid.  
  
"I gave you the choice. The future is hard, and you must be willing to be part of it. Now, your reward will be greater at the end." The winds gentled and slowly receded.  
  
He kicked rocks around angrily. "Sure, just speak with shadows on your tongue and leave. And me, I'm still here. What's so great about a better reward?" He almost wished for the chance to leave again, "no family, unless you can call that love-sick brother and a horse a family!" He quickly caught up with his brother and Ayla.  
  
"You said he was brave, and he loved adventure. He was so full of life-as though he was trying to live it all at once. I would not have made this Journey if it hadn't been for him." Jondalar's voice resonated through Thonolan. "...I didn't want him to go, but I can understand him now."  
  
Thonolan looked closer at Jondalar. "I can't believe that, you've never been able to understand me. We're so opposite." He paused and looked at his grave thoughtfully, "sometimes, I don't understand myself.   
  
(VOH pp. 537-538)  
  
---------------------------  
  
RD: Thonolan always did have an eye for women, and he's been alone for awhile now. Ayla's sister would of course be lovely and attractive. 


	24. The Others

Chapter 24  
  
The Others  
  
--------------  
  
Ayla and Jondalar traveled aimlessly for days, enjoying the company of each other. Thonolan followed them but was becoming curious about the people to the west. The closer they traveled in that direction, the more sensations filtered to him. Not the simple everyday feelings, but deep and strong. Perhaps it was similar to the low bellow of the mammoth that was below the decibel of human range. To him as a spirit, he could sense these emotions more keenly.   
  
The morning was cool and a fine layer of snow covered the ground. Winter would be coming soon. Thonolan knew that they would not be spending the winter in the valley, but when would they meet the others? He felt troubled at the thought of being with so many people at once. Would his task be more difficult?  
  
Thunk! Thunk! Sounded In quick succession. Ayla brought down a jerboa that had been unlucky enough to jump within her range with her sling. The creature was quickly prepared and spitted for their morning meal.  
  
"I'm sad to be going back," Ayla said.  
  
Thonolan's mind wandered. Something was bothering him, something nagging at the back of his mind. Jondalar and Ayla got up to gather more wood for their meal and he followed them. As they rounded a bend, Thonolan's head snapped up.  
  
"Heyoo!" A voice called.  
  
His eyes were not on the humans who stood looking at his brother and Ayla. Thonolan was staring in fascination as he saw the ones who stared back at him. One female looked down demurely when she realized she was staring.  
  
Ayla was feeling confused yet excited about meeting these new people, for here was more of the Others that Iza had told her to find. She clung closely to Jondalar who supported her with a strong arm.  
  
"It's all right, Ayla. They're Mamutoi. Did I ever tell you they call themselves the mammoth hunters? They think we are Mamutoi too."  
  
"Those people, Jondalar, they are smiling, they are smiling at me," she said in wonderment.  
  
Thonolan echoed her sentiments. He stared in awe at the odd group of veejias coming forward. They held their arms open in greeting to him.  
  
(VOH p.544)  
  
END PART 1 


End file.
